Real Housewives DC Disgust, Jersey Shore a Must!

It was out of sheer morbid curiosity that I tuned in to Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of DC” last night when it aired. I had seen a snippet of the Michaele Salahi bitch-fest on Access Hollywood earlier in the evening - how Whoopi “grabbed” Michaele and then cussed out her and her neutered husband. “How bad could the show be, really,” I thought to myself.

Really bad. It turns out that it could be really, really bad.

I lived in DC for a bit and have a pretty decent understanding of its inner workings. Essentially, it’s a more politically fueled, less fashionable, and slightly fatter version of New York City. Replace finance with politics … you smell what I’m stepping in? It is an absolutely beautiful town with a rich history, great culture, and diverse population. And those miserable cows are ruining the pristine image of our Nation’s Capital which I hold so close to my heart.

Why the hell is this show called “The Real Housewives” when a number of the cast works/has a career? Isn’t a housewife, by definition, someone who stays at home and makes sure the family is taken care of, etc., etc? (And before any of you start, don’t get on me and tell me that I’m being a pig – I am FULLY aware that being a housewife/homemaker is a VERY difficult and often thankless job!).

One of these women has a biometric lock on her damn walk-in closet because she has a daughter who wears the same size clothes that she does. She doesn’t want her daughter to take her clothes without asking. Newsflash – how about you try being a good mother and tell the little bitch she can’t borrow your $5,000 Dior jacket. Then, when you find out she did it anyway, take her iPod, iPhone, Computer, Internet, TV, Range Rover, and Spa privileges away for a month. I’m willing to bet she’d opt to wear her own little Dior jacket out next time and that way you don’t have to be a freak with a biometric lock on your closet door.

On another note, how the hell can the show be called “The Real Housewives of DC” when only TWO of the cast members live in DC and the rest live in the suburbs of DC? Let’s take it one step further. The freakin’ Salahi’s (who I simply CANNOT stand) live about an hour and a half to two hours away from DC out in Virginia wine country. Wouldn’t a more appropriate title for this show be, “The Real Social Climbers of the Washington Metropolitan Region?”

Because that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? It’s a group of vapid women with significant others on tight leashes who don’t really care for each other, who aren’t very attractive or fashionable, and who crash State dinners so they have cool shots for their Facebook pages.

The fact that the Salahi’s testified before a Congressional panel regarding their attendance at that now infamous State dinner and pleaded the fifth on essentially every question, even when asked “Are you here now,” seems to me that they DID crash that dinner. Because when you do something wrong and you don’t want to incriminate yourself on the stand, you plead the fifth. That these people seemingly have more money than God (at least the show portrays them in that way) and now are considering suing “The View” because the interviewers called them “crashers” and not “alleged crashers” seems disgusting, pathetic, and sad to me.

I actually do enjoy reality television for the most part. I think my readers know that I find Jersey Shore to be quite entertaining. But you know what? I think it’s because those kids are more real than these 40 to 60 somethings who are past their prime and trying to find fame.

The kids of the Jersey Shore took themselves and their “take me or leave me” attitudes down to Miami this season. They act like a family (albeit a bit dysfunctional). They don’t pretend to be something they’re not. I don’t think you’d find Snooki trying to crash a State dinner because, to be perfectly frank, I think she’s got enough class to know that if she doesn’t get a written invitation from the White House, you just don’t show up. Even if a friend says your name is “on the list.” I don’t think you’d find Pauly D putting a biometric lock on his stash of hair product because he’d probably share some with you if you needed it. Ed Hardy may not be haute couture, but all the boys know that there’s a shirt BEFORE the shirt.

So to the Salahi’s, I can’t wait until your 15 minutes are up. Frankly, I thought that time had expired a few months back. To the other women on the DC installment of “Housewives,” don’t you worry about your 15 minutes. It looks like a good deal of people aren’t interested in this go-round of the show. No one is going to remember who you are and I’ve already forgotten your names.

And to you lovable, self-proclaimed Guidos and Guidettes … GTL forever, baby.

Thank You, MTV!

I would officially like to take this opportunity to thank MTV for bringing Jersey Shore back for another season. But not just because they're bringing the show back ... they're bringing the same CAST back.


I had some concerns about this initially. I was worried that MTV was going to bring back Jersey Shore but pull a Real World and change up the cast. To my delight, this isn't going to be the next The Real World. This is going to be Jersey Shore: Episode II. (I don't think that's the official title, FYI.) Regardless, yessss!


How long will this show, which frequently has me sitting in front of the TV with my mouth agape, last? While I grew rather fond of the show, I can't really see the longevity here. Allow me to explain ...


The group goes back to the shore for the summer (check). They live in a pretty sweet house with a duck phone that a group of normal kids around their age probably couldn't afford to rent for the summer if they included all the food and booze (check). They work (albeit occasionally) at a shop on the boardwalk in Seaside Heights (check).


Here's where things get interesting. The group primps, poofs, and obeys their daily GTL regimen (check). The first night back in the house together obviously calls for an evening out on the town! They have to hit the battlefield and do some fist pumping! So everyone goes out (check).


Problem One: If they're using the same house as last season, everyone knows where it is. I envision a group of grenades stalking out just to catch a wave from one of the cast members.

Problem Two: These kids fell into instant stardom. Hot chicks and grenades alike are going to be throwing themselves at The Situation, Pauly D, Ronnie, and Vinny. Guys are gonna' try to get with J-Woww, Sammi, & Snookie. They're going to get absolutely MOBBED everywhere they go for autographs, picture requests, etc.


So how on earth will MTV handle the logistics of all this? New house location? Security going out with the group and camera crew every night? Let's be honest, copious amounts of alcohol help make the show what it is - fights, hookups, people saying stupid stuff. More than one meathead will be likely to try and show himself worthy of five minutes of fame by trying to fight one of the cast guys (or girls - depending on said meathead's blood alcohol level).


While I am VERY excited to watch the next season, I am a bit hesitant as I think this season isn't going to have that certain je ne sais quoi that the last one did. Since they're famous now, I'd expect varied levels of changed personalities amongst the cast, which could make things less interesting, or MORE interesting, than last season. Only time will tell what version of interesting the next season will bring.

- The Incident

The Jersey Shore

I have never been to the Jersey Shore. In fact, until recently, I had only heard co-workers talking about "GTL" and "fist pumping" and the like. The other weekend, there was a Jersey Shore marathon on and, I was in the mood for a good marathon, so I watched.

And so it began.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the Jersey Shore is even better than MTV's The Real World. For the first half hour of the marathon, my jaw was hanging open. I was amazed at this group of individuals. They did what they wanted to do, when they wanted to do it, and other people's opinions be damned. The thing that I think I liked the most about the show is that, besides the occasional roommate fight, these kids thought of each other as one big family. Whereas with The Real World, most of the house is in one clique and the other half is in another clique, this group really did become like a big family (albeit slightly to moderately dysfunctional). Maybe they all thought of each other as family and were able to get along relatively well because they all share the same heritage (Italian) and thus, some of the same values and the general cast of The Real World is cast to be be a bunch of people who share very little in common and probably are cast because they won't get along well.

I don't want to get too deep into this, but I saw an article I wanted to share about this Jersey Shore phenomenon: http://tinyurl.com/yh9kjs3. CNN discusses the business behind the show (own your own J-Woww yellow, low cut blouse or book Pauly D or The Situation for $10,000). Unreal! There's also a Jersey Shore name generator where you can get your own fun Jersey Shore nickname (some of the results are kind of gross - but if you've seen the show, you'll get a good laugh!). Check that out here: http://tinyurl.com/yhh6eud

If you haven't seen an episode yet, I encourage you to do so. I promise, you won't be disappointed ... as long as you like watching a good train wreck and a group of fun people having a really, really, REALLY good time.

- The Incident