The Great Candy Clean Out

In The Incident Household, I like to consider the day after Easter, "The Great Candy Clean Out." It fits perfectly with this time of year. People are doing their spring cleaning, putting away heavier coats for lighter coats and packing away sweaters and mittens. The Great Candy Clean Out is very similar to Spring Cleaning, but perhaps, to the layman, could be considered a bit more ... how shall I put this tactfully ... disgusting.

All year long, people give other people candy. There's Valentine's Day candy, St. Patrick's Day candy, Easter candy, 4th of July candy, Arbor day candy, Halloween candy, Hanukkah candy, Christmas candy. These candy executives have found EVERY POSSIBLE REASON, nay excuse, to make it acceptable to give someone candy for any occasion. I kid you not, I have seen advertised in certain magazines "Gummy Sacrificial Lambs" and Holy Cross shaped dip sticks (you know, the little candy stick that you lick and then put into a pouch of colored sugar and then lick again so that you're absolutely certain to fall into some sort of diabetic shock at some point?). Honestly ... THAT is how far people are taking it.

So, all year long, I graciously accept the candy that is given to me with every intention of eating all of it. I even go so far as to divide my candy into separate containers - hard candy and chocolaty candy. Why, you may ask? Well, to be perfectly frank, chocolate that tastes like mint or bubble gum from sitting co-mingled for so long is positively disgusting to your truly.

But as time wears on, I find that I'm overwhelmed. I can't eat all of it. I get so much candy that even taking it to work and putting it in a little jar in my office hardly puts a dent in the stash.

Thus the need for The Great Candy Clean Out.

The day after Easter, once I've assessed what new candy I have received, I go to my cupboard and pull down my buckets. And I sigh. Because there is candy in those buckets from LAST Easter that I need to get rid of to make way for the new candy! Peeps as hard as rocks, last year's take from Hershey on how to make the M&M's characters look like they fit in with the holiday. I begrudgingly pull out what's left from last Easter (and last Valentine's day, and any other holiday from the year before - with the exception of Christmas ... we leave those candy canes until July or so), and put it to rest in the trash can.

The one thing that I usually will hold on to are the Peeps, though. Rock Peeps. They're a tad too adorable to merely put out with old banana peels and used coffee filters. But what to DO with them? It gets me every year. And I know I'm not the only one who suffers with this dilemma, so I've come up with a few ideas on what you can do to save your Peeps and use them throughout the year without having to throw them away.

• Use your old Peeps as marshmallow replacements in hot cocoa during Christmas. Explain to your least favorite Uncle or your in-laws that you're all out of tiny marshmallows but that you have those Peeps left over from Easter and you didn't think they'd mind. This will guarantee an early exit on their part and leave you to enjoy the rest of your holiday.
• Going camping this summer? Bring the Peeps along and use them to make Smores!
• Throw them, full force, at an attacker during a home invasion. Aim for the temple and, if you hit right on target, you'll be sure to have made a citizen's arrest before the police even arrive.
• Next Valentine's Day rolls around and you want to have a romantic dinner in ... well pull out that fondue pot, get the chocolate warmed and find something that will be able to penetrate that rock solid Peep because, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for Peep fondue!
• For the overly ambitious, take your Peep collection and clear out your local pharmacy of all of their clearance Peeps a few days after the holiday. When you have enough, begin a Peep sculpture to fit your fancy and make it as large as you want. If a sculpture isn't to your liking, get a glue gun and a canvas and make a picture out of the Peeps, using all of the colors in which they are now available.

As you can clearly see, there are many great uses for Peeps post-Easter, no matter what time of year it is. So take part in the Great Candy Clean Out, but remember ... treasure your Peeps, for there are so many uses for them.

- The Incident