Thank You, MTV!

I would officially like to take this opportunity to thank MTV for bringing Jersey Shore back for another season. But not just because they're bringing the show back ... they're bringing the same CAST back.


I had some concerns about this initially. I was worried that MTV was going to bring back Jersey Shore but pull a Real World and change up the cast. To my delight, this isn't going to be the next The Real World. This is going to be Jersey Shore: Episode II. (I don't think that's the official title, FYI.) Regardless, yessss!


How long will this show, which frequently has me sitting in front of the TV with my mouth agape, last? While I grew rather fond of the show, I can't really see the longevity here. Allow me to explain ...


The group goes back to the shore for the summer (check). They live in a pretty sweet house with a duck phone that a group of normal kids around their age probably couldn't afford to rent for the summer if they included all the food and booze (check). They work (albeit occasionally) at a shop on the boardwalk in Seaside Heights (check).


Here's where things get interesting. The group primps, poofs, and obeys their daily GTL regimen (check). The first night back in the house together obviously calls for an evening out on the town! They have to hit the battlefield and do some fist pumping! So everyone goes out (check).


Problem One: If they're using the same house as last season, everyone knows where it is. I envision a group of grenades stalking out just to catch a wave from one of the cast members.

Problem Two: These kids fell into instant stardom. Hot chicks and grenades alike are going to be throwing themselves at The Situation, Pauly D, Ronnie, and Vinny. Guys are gonna' try to get with J-Woww, Sammi, & Snookie. They're going to get absolutely MOBBED everywhere they go for autographs, picture requests, etc.


So how on earth will MTV handle the logistics of all this? New house location? Security going out with the group and camera crew every night? Let's be honest, copious amounts of alcohol help make the show what it is - fights, hookups, people saying stupid stuff. More than one meathead will be likely to try and show himself worthy of five minutes of fame by trying to fight one of the cast guys (or girls - depending on said meathead's blood alcohol level).


While I am VERY excited to watch the next season, I am a bit hesitant as I think this season isn't going to have that certain je ne sais quoi that the last one did. Since they're famous now, I'd expect varied levels of changed personalities amongst the cast, which could make things less interesting, or MORE interesting, than last season. Only time will tell what version of interesting the next season will bring.

- The Incident

More Cowbell

So you may have noticed by my tweets today that I, for some reason, decided that the world needs more Cowbell. It's the weekend, the Internet is down at home, and I was looking for funny stuff to tweet about. So I went at it and tried to start #cowbell as a trending topic. A Twitter buddy and I are also trying to come up with Cowbell enthusiast slogans (there are a few we came up with that you can see if you follow me on Twitter: @incidentreport).

But I really mean it. I think we could all benefit from a little more Cowbell.

On April 8, 2000, the infamous Cowbell skit with Christopher Walken, Will Ferrell, and other members of the SNL cast aired. In said skit, Will Ferrell played the member of the Blue Oyster Cult Band who played the Cowbell on the song, "Don't Fear the Reaper." Apparently the cast members who were in the skit get asked about it on a regular basis. Christopher Walken was in a restaurant in Singapore and a guy turned to him and said, "You know what this salad needs?" When he asked what it needed, he replied, "More Cowbell." And might I just say, that gentleman was probably correct. His salad probably did need more Cowbell.

I think somewhere, deep down in the cockles of your heart, you too want more Cowbell. If you want to buy one, click here, and "play the hell" out of it. Because more Cowbell makes the world a better place. Sporting events, bar mitzvahs, tracking your cattle on the open range (in this instance of course, you can't play the Cowbell, the cow does the playing for you), waking up co-workers who have fallen asleep at their desks, startling the elderly and hard of hearing. The uses for Cowbells are endless (and entertaining).

Let me be clear. I need - nay - I demand more Cowbell. Invite more Cowbell into your lives today!

- The Incident

Things That Make You Go Hmmm ...

There isn't any news that fits my fancy to report on this evening - obvious choices probably would have been my take on State of The Union or Jay Leno's feeble attempt to save face on Oprah. But after a brainstorming session to come up with something I could possibly blog about, I saw an ad on TV about Black History Month.

Black History Month is celebrated during the entire month of February each year. However, Martin Luther King Jr. Day is celebrated in January. That made me go, "Hmm ... I wonder why we don't celebrate Black History Month in the same month that we celebrate MLK Jr. Day?" Perhaps it's just to spread the love and awareness over a longer period of time.

That being said, below is a list of some things which have recently made me go "Hmmm..."

- How do those people who are currently cruising to Haiti find it in themselves to take a little jet ski adventure while, just a few miles inland, hundreds of thousands are dead and millions are newly homeless? Are they clueless, heartless, or a combination of the two?
- What was that peacock (or wild turkey - still TBD) doing wandering on the side of the road the other day when I was on my way in to work? And perhaps more importantly, was he having a good time?
- What, exactly, is Lady Gaga? And why do I keep buying his/her/its songs?
- Why would an iPad be a good investment for most people? I'm pretty sure I would be so worried about dropping the thing that I WOULD drop it and ::poof:: there goes $500.
- Why would Michelle Pfeiffer's agent recommend that she KEEP the silent P? I mean honestly. Save the ignorant tabloid media the trouble and just switch it to Feiffer.

I'm sure there are more things, but that's really about all I can think of at the current moment. Maybe I'll make this a recurring posting on "The Incident Report." There really are a lot of things that make me go "Hmmm" and I think this is the perfect forum to get them out in the open.

- The Incident

Will the Real Punxsutawney Phil Please Stand Up?

I like Groundhog Day. I don't buy in to any of it - groundhogs can predict the weather about as well as your average local weatherperson (and the groundhogs don't even have Doppler). But it's a fun little event that a small town in Pennsylvania gets to celebrate once a year. It puts them on the map, brings in revenue, and all that jazz.

However PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) wants the little town of Punxsutawney to replace the real Phil with a robotic groundhog.

I realize that I recently wrote about how stupid that Rent a Tiger idea is - not so nice to the tigers, or the renters that they will inevitably eat. And I also think that PETA does a relatively decent job letting people know about animal cruelty, even though I think they're mostly pretty radical. I'm not at all a fan of beating animals, pouring acid into the eyes of little bunnies to see what kind of reaction it's going to have (not a science major but acid + eyes = pain), and I think Michael Vick was a total d*ck for doing what he did to those dogs. But really, PETA? A robot Punxsutawney Phil? (Here's a link to the full story, with a copy of the letter from PETA to Punxsutawney: http://tinyurl.com/yh6s643)

WOO! What a friggin' party that will be with the new, robotic groundhog! The local groundhog council can get all spruced up in their fancy tuxes and top hats and then tote around Robot Phil who can pop out of his faux tree stump to predict when winter will end.

I envision one of two scenarios with Robot Phil:

1) Robot Phil is equipped with the highest end weather predicting technology money can buy. His amazing accuracy will be what keeps people coming back to Punxsutawney year after year. That is, of course, until he replaces Al Roker on The Today Show.

2) Robot Phil seriously malfunctions on his debut. He slays the town, the council, the tourists. Then he moves south, ravaging the landscape, until he reaches Washington, DC and takes over the Free Nation. Then ... (pause for dramatic effect) ... the World.

I understand that people have a lot of causes that they are very enthused about, and I don't want to stop people from thinking what they think or believing in what they want to believe in. But that groundhog has his own climate controlled environment. He is checked in on by some sort of state agency more than once a year. If PETA wants to draw attention to animal cruelty, they should probably try to pick an animal that really gets tortured. Keep after those dog fighting rings, keep educating people. Let's just let Phil enjoy his day a year in the limelight, shall we?

- The Incident

Gary Coleman Can't Get a Break

Gary Coleman, whose primary claim to fame is coining the phrase, "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" has found himself in trouble with the law ... again. And actually, correction. He didn't coin that phrase. Rather, he delivered it well on a delightful late 70's sitcom called "Diff'rent Strokes."

So what has Gary done now? Well, apparently the full incident details are still a bit sketchy at this point BUT he was just arrested for domestic assault. Here's the link to the full story: http://tinyurl.com/yl69nbq, but to break it down for you (break-it-down-now!) I can report that he had a seizure in LA recently, has had two failed kidney transplants, and has been arrested for both disorderly conduct and for hitting a guy with his truck on top of this recent arrest.

Oh, and did I mention that he has a recently released DVD entitled "Midgets vs. Mascots." There's more! His bail was set at a mere $1,725 which begs the question, was the judge taking mercy on our Gary because that's all he can afford to post as of late?

And if it couldn't get worse for poor Gary Coleman, here's a link to his mugshot: http://tinyurl.com/yhl4wvn. Sadly, it looks like he's asking, "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

- The Incident

Is That A Tiger In Your Pocket or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

So I read something that really irked me as I am a fan of animals - they can't talk, they can't always stand up for themselves ... someone has to give them a break. So, whilst I perused the Internet, I came across a story about a plan Indonesia has to rent out tigers.

I will repeat that.

Rent. Out. Tigers.

Here's the link to the story: http://tinyurl.com/yzko3r4. But seriously people? Renting out TIGERS? I suppose the intentions behind this tremendously sick and twisted idea are only the best. Renting a Sumatran Tiger (only about 400 left in Indonesia) would have a pretty high price tag - $107,100 US. This money would help to assist with conservation efforts. But what I think it really boils down to is this question: didn't everyone learn a lesson when that lady gave her pet Chimp a Xanax to calm him down and he proceeded to rip her best friend's face off (a very special thank you to Oprah, by the way, for taking that lady's hat/mask thing off and proving that she didn't have a face anymore. Really appreciated that one. As if my overactive imagination wasn't enough to fill that image void in the old brain.) What kind of screening will go in to this plan, if it's actually enacted? Just because you can pony up the dough does NOT mean that you are capable of keeping a live and wild animal in your home. What if junior decides that kitty needs a bath? What if Fido gets a little too close to the cage?

I really hope that the people who are attending this summit to save these animals from extinction have a few more tricks up their sleeves because "Rent A Tiger" just does not seem like a viable option.

- The Incident

There's An App for that, Kinda'. And One More Thing, It Requires Training ...

One of the things that falls under the heading of "Things that piss me off a lot" is terrorism - in any form. Freaking people out and blowing things up all in the name of a religion or a belief is wrong. I would ask those who don't agree with me to consult the God or higher authority in which they believe ... pretty sure you'll find that terrorism is a big no-no on the list of things you're not supposed to do.

Now, when I read this story on BBC.com (http://tinyurl.com/yggzjrx), I got a little upset. The device in question (AED-651), is a tool that is allegedly supposed to be able to detect TNT in IEDs, bombs, and other such devices (so not REALLY an app, but you smell what I'm stepping in with the reference in the title of this post). This instrument has the support of Iraqi Interior Minister Jawad al-Bolani who claims the AED-651 has detected 16,000 bombs. There are a few problems, however. One of which is that the device only REALLY works if the person using it to find bombs has been properly trained. Apparently a lot of people using this thing haven't had such training. The other issue is that, in inquiries and tests by both the BBC and Cambridge University's Computer Laboratory, the device contained "nothing but the type of anti-theft tag used to prevent stealing in high street stores." Dr. Markus Kuhn of Cambridge University informed the BBC that it was "impossible" for the AED-651 to "detect anything at all." He also went on to comment that it had "absolutely nothing to do with the detection of TNT."

This begs many questions, the predominant one being, WTF?

The schmuck selling this thing under the guise that it's going to detect bombs when a dude at Cambridge U says it might be able to tell you if someone shoplifts a high end item from the local Target store is just plain wrong. You shouldn't be able to mess around with people's sense of safety like that - I'd go out on a limb and say his actions have some terrorist features themselves.

But even IF the thing worked, I think this story points out the bigger underlying issue with the war on terrorism. We can have all the freakin' technology in the world, but if we don't have the right people TRAINED on how to use said technology, then we're no better off than we were before. We need to train people on the technology and also what to look for. Case in point: I heard the other week on NPR that a flight attendant on Richard "Shoe Bomber" Reid's flight actually stopped him before he boarded the plain because she got a little uneasy when seeing him. But when he responded to her questions in a perfect English accent, she let him board the plane. Maybe if we invested a little bit of money in training people on what to look for and how to use all of this wonderful technology we have available to us, we might just be a little better off.

- The Incident

The Jersey Shore

I have never been to the Jersey Shore. In fact, until recently, I had only heard co-workers talking about "GTL" and "fist pumping" and the like. The other weekend, there was a Jersey Shore marathon on and, I was in the mood for a good marathon, so I watched.

And so it began.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the Jersey Shore is even better than MTV's The Real World. For the first half hour of the marathon, my jaw was hanging open. I was amazed at this group of individuals. They did what they wanted to do, when they wanted to do it, and other people's opinions be damned. The thing that I think I liked the most about the show is that, besides the occasional roommate fight, these kids thought of each other as one big family. Whereas with The Real World, most of the house is in one clique and the other half is in another clique, this group really did become like a big family (albeit slightly to moderately dysfunctional). Maybe they all thought of each other as family and were able to get along relatively well because they all share the same heritage (Italian) and thus, some of the same values and the general cast of The Real World is cast to be be a bunch of people who share very little in common and probably are cast because they won't get along well.

I don't want to get too deep into this, but I saw an article I wanted to share about this Jersey Shore phenomenon: http://tinyurl.com/yh9kjs3. CNN discusses the business behind the show (own your own J-Woww yellow, low cut blouse or book Pauly D or The Situation for $10,000). Unreal! There's also a Jersey Shore name generator where you can get your own fun Jersey Shore nickname (some of the results are kind of gross - but if you've seen the show, you'll get a good laugh!). Check that out here: http://tinyurl.com/yhh6eud

If you haven't seen an episode yet, I encourage you to do so. I promise, you won't be disappointed ... as long as you like watching a good train wreck and a group of fun people having a really, really, REALLY good time.

- The Incident

Brangelina Splitting?

According to "The News of the World," Brangelina are splitting up (and sharing custody of their litter of children). Now, we've all heard this before ... they've been rumored to be fighting a lot and "on the verge of a split" for months. And people USED to think the National Enquirer and The News of the World were just scummy little fake papers (which, for the most part, they are). BUT, I think it was the National Enquirer that broke the story about John Edwards cheating on Elizabeth Edwards (classy move for a dude whose wife is suffering from cancer - schmuck), and News of the World got to talk to one of Tiger's MANY mistresses. Let's not count this one out yet. Here's the link to the story: http://tinyurl.com/ykorchp

Let's just wait a little bit and see what happens, shall we?

- The Incident

Hope for Haiti Now - Update

OK, so I just had to drop a quick update. I heard on the news that the money raised during the "Hope for Haiti Now" telethon (yes, they're calling it a telethon) last night has raised $57 Million ... and counting!!! That's so awesome! I'm totally impressed that people, even given the current economic crisis in America, gave so generously. Rock on people! The website will still be accepting donations for another 90 days. There's still time. So if you can give, please visit http://www.hopeforhaitinow.org/.

- The Incident

Hope for Haiti Now

So last night I watched the "Hope for Haiti Now" benefit (or was it a telethon?) and donated to the cause. I couldn't imagine loosing everything I had. In the case of many Haitians, what they had wasn't much to begin with. This is really time to do something, so I called in (no, I did not talk to anyone famous ... a few people have asked me that). I am dying to know how much money they raised! But, for my first official blog post, I thought encouraging people out there in cyberspace to contribute was a good idea - pay it forward. So if you want to get involved, go to http://www.hopeforhaitinow.org/ and give what you can. Think about it ... if everyone gave $5 and 1 million people watched last night (math genius that I am), that's $5 Million going DIRECTLY to Haiti (Hope for Haiti Now waived admin fees, so all the money is going straight to the people who need it).

So give. And send good thoughts.

- The Incident