Over the past few days, it has come to my attention that, despite being in a ridiculously shitty economy and job market, people are still quitting their jobs. This makes me feel a little bit better as I recently quit my previous job without a backup plan.
I'm going to be honest here for a second. The experience has been scary at times, but I think the worst part was the tremendous amount of guilt I experienced. I felt guilty because I had a job and, no matter how miserable I was in that job, I didn't feel justified in quitting because there were so many other people out there who needed employment. My mind kept telling me I should have been grateful for even having a job in the first place. Finally I had to come to terms with the fact that I didn't need to feel guilty about quitting my job. Somewhere along the line, I had forgotten that I needed to make myself a priority and that quitting my job was the right thing to do.
It seems to me that there are two different trends in the current job market. There are people who desperately need to find employment to pay their bills and take care of their families and would gladly take any position offered to them. And then there are other people who seem to be reaching their boiling point. In the latter category it feels like some employers are almost taking advantage of the employment climate. As if they suddenly feel like they have the authority to push people to their boiling points, make them work even harder for less pay, and strip them of any semblance of a work/life balance. Because hey, it's not like people are going to quit right now, right?
This makes me pretty angry. We need compassionate employers right now, not "The Devil Wears Prada." It's important in times of financial insecurity, especially when experienced on a national level, that employers take it easy on employees. I know the bottom line is always looming, but let's be realistic. It's going to take at least another year, maybe two, for things to start getting better. And happy employees do better work for their employers. It would seem natural that employers would just fucking accept those facts. "We're not going to have a record breaking year this year," and "Everyone on the team needs to leave on time on Friday because it's stressful enough out there and we'll have a better Monday if people come in after a refreshing weekend." Attention Corporate America: get it through your head.
But I've come across two people in the past two days who have taken quitting to a whole new level. It's usually advisable upon leaving a job to NOT burn any bridges, but I feel like these two folks have thrown that advise to the wayside and have gone out in style.
A young gal, known only as "Jenny" at this point, really went out in style by taking 33 pictures of herself with messages on a white board. She then sent those pictures to her office of about 20 individuals. Those messages detail why she quit. (Click on her name to see the photos. Her facial expressions are priceless!) The fact that she didn't file suit against her boss for referring to her as a "HPOA" is beyond me, but for some reason, I believe she'll come out alright in the end (as the states on her last white board).
Also, please meet Steve Slater. As a flight attendant for JetBlue, it seems that Mr. Slater had his fill on his inbound flight to JFK from Philadelphia. When a passenger hit him in the head with his luggage from the overhead compartment, Mr. Slater demanded an apology. He and the passenger then got into a heated argument which ended with Mr. Slater cussing out the passengers on the plane, grabbing a couple of brewskies from the galley, and deploying the emergency exit slide. He then went down the slide, ran across the tarmac, got into his car, and drove home. Some folks are speculating at this point that Mr. Slater is gunning for a reality TV show of some sort. But as of now, he's in jail and presumably JetBlue has accepted his resignation.
So to those of you out there who think you just can't take another minute of your job and are worried about what may happen if you leave, weigh the pros and cons. While I can guarantee you that there are going to be scary aspects to your decision, remember, you only have one life to live. It's better to spend it being happy.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Real Housewives DC Disgust, Jersey Shore a Must!
It was out of sheer morbid curiosity that I tuned in to Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of DC” last night when it aired. I had seen a snippet of the Michaele Salahi bitch-fest on Access Hollywood earlier in the evening - how Whoopi “grabbed” Michaele and then cussed out her and her neutered husband. “How bad could the show be, really,” I thought to myself.
Really bad. It turns out that it could be really, really bad.
I lived in DC for a bit and have a pretty decent understanding of its inner workings. Essentially, it’s a more politically fueled, less fashionable, and slightly fatter version of New York City. Replace finance with politics … you smell what I’m stepping in? It is an absolutely beautiful town with a rich history, great culture, and diverse population. And those miserable cows are ruining the pristine image of our Nation’s Capital which I hold so close to my heart.
Why the hell is this show called “The Real Housewives” when a number of the cast works/has a career? Isn’t a housewife, by definition, someone who stays at home and makes sure the family is taken care of, etc., etc? (And before any of you start, don’t get on me and tell me that I’m being a pig – I am FULLY aware that being a housewife/homemaker is a VERY difficult and often thankless job!).
One of these women has a biometric lock on her damn walk-in closet because she has a daughter who wears the same size clothes that she does. She doesn’t want her daughter to take her clothes without asking. Newsflash – how about you try being a good mother and tell the little bitch she can’t borrow your $5,000 Dior jacket. Then, when you find out she did it anyway, take her iPod, iPhone, Computer, Internet, TV, Range Rover, and Spa privileges away for a month. I’m willing to bet she’d opt to wear her own little Dior jacket out next time and that way you don’t have to be a freak with a biometric lock on your closet door.
On another note, how the hell can the show be called “The Real Housewives of DC” when only TWO of the cast members live in DC and the rest live in the suburbs of DC? Let’s take it one step further. The freakin’ Salahi’s (who I simply CANNOT stand) live about an hour and a half to two hours away from DC out in Virginia wine country. Wouldn’t a more appropriate title for this show be, “The Real Social Climbers of the Washington Metropolitan Region?”
Because that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? It’s a group of vapid women with significant others on tight leashes who don’t really care for each other, who aren’t very attractive or fashionable, and who crash State dinners so they have cool shots for their Facebook pages.
The fact that the Salahi’s testified before a Congressional panel regarding their attendance at that now infamous State dinner and pleaded the fifth on essentially every question, even when asked “Are you here now,” seems to me that they DID crash that dinner. Because when you do something wrong and you don’t want to incriminate yourself on the stand, you plead the fifth. That these people seemingly have more money than God (at least the show portrays them in that way) and now are considering suing “The View” because the interviewers called them “crashers” and not “alleged crashers” seems disgusting, pathetic, and sad to me.
I actually do enjoy reality television for the most part. I think my readers know that I find Jersey Shore to be quite entertaining. But you know what? I think it’s because those kids are more real than these 40 to 60 somethings who are past their prime and trying to find fame.
The kids of the Jersey Shore took themselves and their “take me or leave me” attitudes down to Miami this season. They act like a family (albeit a bit dysfunctional). They don’t pretend to be something they’re not. I don’t think you’d find Snooki trying to crash a State dinner because, to be perfectly frank, I think she’s got enough class to know that if she doesn’t get a written invitation from the White House, you just don’t show up. Even if a friend says your name is “on the list.” I don’t think you’d find Pauly D putting a biometric lock on his stash of hair product because he’d probably share some with you if you needed it. Ed Hardy may not be haute couture, but all the boys know that there’s a shirt BEFORE the shirt.
So to the Salahi’s, I can’t wait until your 15 minutes are up. Frankly, I thought that time had expired a few months back. To the other women on the DC installment of “Housewives,” don’t you worry about your 15 minutes. It looks like a good deal of people aren’t interested in this go-round of the show. No one is going to remember who you are and I’ve already forgotten your names.
And to you lovable, self-proclaimed Guidos and Guidettes … GTL forever, baby.
Really bad. It turns out that it could be really, really bad.
I lived in DC for a bit and have a pretty decent understanding of its inner workings. Essentially, it’s a more politically fueled, less fashionable, and slightly fatter version of New York City. Replace finance with politics … you smell what I’m stepping in? It is an absolutely beautiful town with a rich history, great culture, and diverse population. And those miserable cows are ruining the pristine image of our Nation’s Capital which I hold so close to my heart.
Why the hell is this show called “The Real Housewives” when a number of the cast works/has a career? Isn’t a housewife, by definition, someone who stays at home and makes sure the family is taken care of, etc., etc? (And before any of you start, don’t get on me and tell me that I’m being a pig – I am FULLY aware that being a housewife/homemaker is a VERY difficult and often thankless job!).
One of these women has a biometric lock on her damn walk-in closet because she has a daughter who wears the same size clothes that she does. She doesn’t want her daughter to take her clothes without asking. Newsflash – how about you try being a good mother and tell the little bitch she can’t borrow your $5,000 Dior jacket. Then, when you find out she did it anyway, take her iPod, iPhone, Computer, Internet, TV, Range Rover, and Spa privileges away for a month. I’m willing to bet she’d opt to wear her own little Dior jacket out next time and that way you don’t have to be a freak with a biometric lock on your closet door.
On another note, how the hell can the show be called “The Real Housewives of DC” when only TWO of the cast members live in DC and the rest live in the suburbs of DC? Let’s take it one step further. The freakin’ Salahi’s (who I simply CANNOT stand) live about an hour and a half to two hours away from DC out in Virginia wine country. Wouldn’t a more appropriate title for this show be, “The Real Social Climbers of the Washington Metropolitan Region?”
Because that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? It’s a group of vapid women with significant others on tight leashes who don’t really care for each other, who aren’t very attractive or fashionable, and who crash State dinners so they have cool shots for their Facebook pages.
The fact that the Salahi’s testified before a Congressional panel regarding their attendance at that now infamous State dinner and pleaded the fifth on essentially every question, even when asked “Are you here now,” seems to me that they DID crash that dinner. Because when you do something wrong and you don’t want to incriminate yourself on the stand, you plead the fifth. That these people seemingly have more money than God (at least the show portrays them in that way) and now are considering suing “The View” because the interviewers called them “crashers” and not “alleged crashers” seems disgusting, pathetic, and sad to me.
I actually do enjoy reality television for the most part. I think my readers know that I find Jersey Shore to be quite entertaining. But you know what? I think it’s because those kids are more real than these 40 to 60 somethings who are past their prime and trying to find fame.
The kids of the Jersey Shore took themselves and their “take me or leave me” attitudes down to Miami this season. They act like a family (albeit a bit dysfunctional). They don’t pretend to be something they’re not. I don’t think you’d find Snooki trying to crash a State dinner because, to be perfectly frank, I think she’s got enough class to know that if she doesn’t get a written invitation from the White House, you just don’t show up. Even if a friend says your name is “on the list.” I don’t think you’d find Pauly D putting a biometric lock on his stash of hair product because he’d probably share some with you if you needed it. Ed Hardy may not be haute couture, but all the boys know that there’s a shirt BEFORE the shirt.
So to the Salahi’s, I can’t wait until your 15 minutes are up. Frankly, I thought that time had expired a few months back. To the other women on the DC installment of “Housewives,” don’t you worry about your 15 minutes. It looks like a good deal of people aren’t interested in this go-round of the show. No one is going to remember who you are and I’ve already forgotten your names.
And to you lovable, self-proclaimed Guidos and Guidettes … GTL forever, baby.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Freelance Writing
So recently I've been toying around with doing some freelance writing. I'm funny. I'm entertaining. I have something to say, although I do have to apologize as I see I now have FOUR followers and I haven't posted anything in ages (sorry kids!).
I had seen an ad on Craigslist to be an official freelance writer for a website called "Gather.com." While the site itself makes it very difficult to figure out just what the hell it is you can do there (social networking, blogging?), I finally figured out that it's almost like Facebook, but instead of a page where you just post updates, you can blog stuff and post pictures, etc, etc. The neat thing is that this site will pay you (in gift cards or in cash that you can collect via PayPal) for what you write. In fact, they'll toss one of their OFFICIAL writers anywhere from $2.50 to a whopping $10 per article you write, if said article gets 250 unique views or more. The thought of that is enough to make me pee my pants!
"OK," I thought to myself, "not enough to make me an insta-millionaire, but occasional extra change in my pocket might be nice." But, being a person of slightly above average intelligence, I thought to myself, "Self, where is the catch?" So I turned to the sometimes hard to navigate but always informative "Terms of Service" (or TOS ... to those of you who like to abbreviate).
Quickly skimming along, I see why it is that they offer gift cards and nominal cash offerings. It's an incentive to the average man. Gather.com, essentially, can take anything you write and then pass it off and do with it whatever they please. They don't own it, but they kinda own it (if that makes sense). A brief passage from Gather.com's TOS page:
"Gather does not claim ownership of Content you submit or make available for inclusion on the Service. However, with respect to such Content, you grant Gather a world-wide, royalty free, perpetual, unlimited, and non-exclusive license(s) to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, create derivative works, publicly perform and publicly display such Content via the Service or on any other Gather property. Gather reserves the right to syndicate the Content submitted, posted, and/or displayed by you and to use that Content in connection with other services offered by Gather. You also hereby grant each user of the Service a non-exclusive license to access your Content through the Service, and to use, reproduce, distribute, prepare derivative works of, display and perform such Content as permitted through the functionality of the Service and under the TOS. The foregoing license granted by you terminates once you remove or delete Content from the Service."
I feel bad for people who don't think to read things like that. Because I'm willing to be there are some really talented authors and bloggers who have signed up to be members of that site without reading the TOS (or having read but not truly understanding what the TOS truly means). In fact, Gather.com's home page offers testimonials of members saying things like, "I paid for my summer vacation" and how they "generate a steady income" from Gather.com.
But I'm glad I did read the TOS as I was considering creating a profile and coping over the content from THIS little blog-o-mine and then putting it on their site. OH THE POTENTIAL TRAGEDY!
Nope. I think I'll stay right here for the time being, and spend my days writing my original thoughts for my dedicated fan base and twittering in between. At least these thoughts belong to me!
- The Incident
I had seen an ad on Craigslist to be an official freelance writer for a website called "Gather.com." While the site itself makes it very difficult to figure out just what the hell it is you can do there (social networking, blogging?), I finally figured out that it's almost like Facebook, but instead of a page where you just post updates, you can blog stuff and post pictures, etc, etc. The neat thing is that this site will pay you (in gift cards or in cash that you can collect via PayPal) for what you write. In fact, they'll toss one of their OFFICIAL writers anywhere from $2.50 to a whopping $10 per article you write, if said article gets 250 unique views or more. The thought of that is enough to make me pee my pants!
"OK," I thought to myself, "not enough to make me an insta-millionaire, but occasional extra change in my pocket might be nice." But, being a person of slightly above average intelligence, I thought to myself, "Self, where is the catch?" So I turned to the sometimes hard to navigate but always informative "Terms of Service" (or TOS ... to those of you who like to abbreviate).
Quickly skimming along, I see why it is that they offer gift cards and nominal cash offerings. It's an incentive to the average man. Gather.com, essentially, can take anything you write and then pass it off and do with it whatever they please. They don't own it, but they kinda own it (if that makes sense). A brief passage from Gather.com's TOS page:
"Gather does not claim ownership of Content you submit or make available for inclusion on the Service. However, with respect to such Content, you grant Gather a world-wide, royalty free, perpetual, unlimited, and non-exclusive license(s) to use, distribute, reproduce, modify, adapt, create derivative works, publicly perform and publicly display such Content via the Service or on any other Gather property. Gather reserves the right to syndicate the Content submitted, posted, and/or displayed by you and to use that Content in connection with other services offered by Gather. You also hereby grant each user of the Service a non-exclusive license to access your Content through the Service, and to use, reproduce, distribute, prepare derivative works of, display and perform such Content as permitted through the functionality of the Service and under the TOS. The foregoing license granted by you terminates once you remove or delete Content from the Service."
I feel bad for people who don't think to read things like that. Because I'm willing to be there are some really talented authors and bloggers who have signed up to be members of that site without reading the TOS (or having read but not truly understanding what the TOS truly means). In fact, Gather.com's home page offers testimonials of members saying things like, "I paid for my summer vacation" and how they "generate a steady income" from Gather.com.
But I'm glad I did read the TOS as I was considering creating a profile and coping over the content from THIS little blog-o-mine and then putting it on their site. OH THE POTENTIAL TRAGEDY!
Nope. I think I'll stay right here for the time being, and spend my days writing my original thoughts for my dedicated fan base and twittering in between. At least these thoughts belong to me!
- The Incident
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Apologies to the Gulf Coast & Ball Bashing of BP
This is an open letter of apology from one humble blogger to the ENTIRE Gulf Coast of the United States of America. Your government seriously failed you during hurricanes Katrina and Rita. You suffered unimaginable losses - lives of people, homes, and a sense of security. But surely your government wouldn't fail you twice! That would be unheard of ...
In 1989, the Exxon Valdez disaster hit Alaska causing a ridiculous amount of damage to wildlife, the coastline, etc, etc. It was the worst oil spill in US history. Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new winner. BP's spill into the Gulf of Mexico now holds that distinguished honor. And there are just a few questions I have ...
1) How in the hell do you people at BP sleep at night?
2) How can a company who's purpose is to pump OIL from the ground (on land and under sea) NOT have a whole huge fucking book of backup plans in case something goes wrong?
3) If the former President of Shell gasoline goes on TV and discusses a similar scenario that happened in the 90's in the Indian Ocean (I believe it was?), where they brought in Super Tankers that sucked the oily water up, separated oil from water, and put the water back in the ocean, WHY IN THE HELL CAN'T YOU PEOPLE DO THE SAME THING BEFORE MORE COASTLINE IS DESTROYED?
4) How can the Federal Government not have its own book of solutions in case an asinine company such as BP completely fucks up?
5) Do you realize it's more than just a few pelicans and dolphins that are going to be affected by this? I mean, you people do realize that the fisherman who make their living off of the waters of the Gulf are screwed. I mean, they've been screwed since Katrina, really. Since their homes were destroyed and no one has cared enough to help out and REALLY fix things down there. And now they aren't going to be able to support their families. It's not like you can be a shrimp boat captain one day and then, when there's a massive oil leak say, "I really think it's time I took up accounting," and just switch jobs.
I'm sorry, BP, but if one of your rigs explodes and drops that amount of oil into the ocean, it's your fault. You can't blame anyone else. Not the ocean, not Neptune, not a pesky lever that should have been recalled, not the team lead on the rig. In the end, the buck stops with YOU the company.
And you know what? You fuckers better not try and take your sweet ass time blaming someone else and trying NOT to pay the money that you need to pony up to help fix this problem immediately. Louisiana has been shit on enough recently. Christ, a lot of these people don't even have homes still. The touristy areas are back in swing, but walk a few blocks out and you can still see that New Orleans is in dire straights. Don't get on television and try to save face because in the MONTH PLUS that you assholes have been letting oil leak into the ocean because of a problem you were made aware of prior to the explosion on that rig (according to records), you have lost all credibility with the public. You need to pay up and pay up NOW to make things right. And you may want to throw a bone to the families of the 11 people who died on that rig because of your complete and utter incompetence.
And here's a special wish for BP's CEO, the federal regulators who got cozy with big oil, and BP's lawyers. I hope there's a special place in the afterlife for all of you and I'd imagine this place would be a combination of the post office on April 15th and the Department of Motor Vehicles on the last day of the month COMBINED. I hope this bureaucratic purgatory is staffed to the brim with the spirits of every last miserable government employee who spent their days in a constant state of rudeness at every counter. To top it off, I hope that this bureaucratic purgatory is also full of all the types of people who frighten you - people of color, welfare mothers with loud children, homeless people, oh, and the spirit of every last man, woman, child, animal, and fish whose life YOU destroyed by being completely and utterly negligent. And one more thing ... you assholes will stay in this bureaucratic purgatory forever. You'll be in your nicest suit, and your wallet will be endlessly full of $1 bills. And every other person who is in that bureaucratic purgatory will know it. You won't be able to hide your eyes and pretend they don't exist anymore.
I realize that, overall, America is a great nation. But sometimes I get so pissed that we send out help to every last natural disaster and humanitarian crisis on the planet, but we somehow just can't help ourselves.
If you want to help with the ongoing crisis in the Gulf, check out this site where you can report damage as a result of the oil spill and find ways to donate and volunteer. Also check out GreaterGood.org by clicking here as you can donate money to help with the clean up efforts (100% of the money goes to the charity).
So to the people of the Gulf, I am sorry that BP and your government are failing you yet again. This blogger is on your side. And to the people in charge at BP, I hope you all get a raging case of herpes from that hooker that your wife doesn't know about yet (but she will), and I hope you enjoy your time in my delightful little imaginary purgatory.
- The Incident
PS: If you'd like to get a laugh, and before Twitter shuts the account down, follow @BPGlobalPR. It's not the real BP, but the tweets indicate how I'd imagine BP is running things right about now.
In 1989, the Exxon Valdez disaster hit Alaska causing a ridiculous amount of damage to wildlife, the coastline, etc, etc. It was the worst oil spill in US history. Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new winner. BP's spill into the Gulf of Mexico now holds that distinguished honor. And there are just a few questions I have ...
1) How in the hell do you people at BP sleep at night?
2) How can a company who's purpose is to pump OIL from the ground (on land and under sea) NOT have a whole huge fucking book of backup plans in case something goes wrong?
3) If the former President of Shell gasoline goes on TV and discusses a similar scenario that happened in the 90's in the Indian Ocean (I believe it was?), where they brought in Super Tankers that sucked the oily water up, separated oil from water, and put the water back in the ocean, WHY IN THE HELL CAN'T YOU PEOPLE DO THE SAME THING BEFORE MORE COASTLINE IS DESTROYED?
4) How can the Federal Government not have its own book of solutions in case an asinine company such as BP completely fucks up?
5) Do you realize it's more than just a few pelicans and dolphins that are going to be affected by this? I mean, you people do realize that the fisherman who make their living off of the waters of the Gulf are screwed. I mean, they've been screwed since Katrina, really. Since their homes were destroyed and no one has cared enough to help out and REALLY fix things down there. And now they aren't going to be able to support their families. It's not like you can be a shrimp boat captain one day and then, when there's a massive oil leak say, "I really think it's time I took up accounting," and just switch jobs.
I'm sorry, BP, but if one of your rigs explodes and drops that amount of oil into the ocean, it's your fault. You can't blame anyone else. Not the ocean, not Neptune, not a pesky lever that should have been recalled, not the team lead on the rig. In the end, the buck stops with YOU the company.
And you know what? You fuckers better not try and take your sweet ass time blaming someone else and trying NOT to pay the money that you need to pony up to help fix this problem immediately. Louisiana has been shit on enough recently. Christ, a lot of these people don't even have homes still. The touristy areas are back in swing, but walk a few blocks out and you can still see that New Orleans is in dire straights. Don't get on television and try to save face because in the MONTH PLUS that you assholes have been letting oil leak into the ocean because of a problem you were made aware of prior to the explosion on that rig (according to records), you have lost all credibility with the public. You need to pay up and pay up NOW to make things right. And you may want to throw a bone to the families of the 11 people who died on that rig because of your complete and utter incompetence.
And here's a special wish for BP's CEO, the federal regulators who got cozy with big oil, and BP's lawyers. I hope there's a special place in the afterlife for all of you and I'd imagine this place would be a combination of the post office on April 15th and the Department of Motor Vehicles on the last day of the month COMBINED. I hope this bureaucratic purgatory is staffed to the brim with the spirits of every last miserable government employee who spent their days in a constant state of rudeness at every counter. To top it off, I hope that this bureaucratic purgatory is also full of all the types of people who frighten you - people of color, welfare mothers with loud children, homeless people, oh, and the spirit of every last man, woman, child, animal, and fish whose life YOU destroyed by being completely and utterly negligent. And one more thing ... you assholes will stay in this bureaucratic purgatory forever. You'll be in your nicest suit, and your wallet will be endlessly full of $1 bills. And every other person who is in that bureaucratic purgatory will know it. You won't be able to hide your eyes and pretend they don't exist anymore.
I realize that, overall, America is a great nation. But sometimes I get so pissed that we send out help to every last natural disaster and humanitarian crisis on the planet, but we somehow just can't help ourselves.
If you want to help with the ongoing crisis in the Gulf, check out this site where you can report damage as a result of the oil spill and find ways to donate and volunteer. Also check out GreaterGood.org by clicking here as you can donate money to help with the clean up efforts (100% of the money goes to the charity).
So to the people of the Gulf, I am sorry that BP and your government are failing you yet again. This blogger is on your side. And to the people in charge at BP, I hope you all get a raging case of herpes from that hooker that your wife doesn't know about yet (but she will), and I hope you enjoy your time in my delightful little imaginary purgatory.
- The Incident
PS: If you'd like to get a laugh, and before Twitter shuts the account down, follow @BPGlobalPR. It's not the real BP, but the tweets indicate how I'd imagine BP is running things right about now.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
HOLY SHIT, I HAVE A BLOG FOLLOWER!
So I signed in a little while ago to start working on a new blog entry and to clean up my layout a bit. You know, I figured if I wanted to be all fancy pants with this blogging thing, I should have a button on my blog for people to click on to follow me on Twitter. (Side bar: I am now completely addicted to Twitter and regularly kill my cell battery due to refreshing to see what my delightful 92 followers are up to!)
But lo and behold, upon my signing in, Blogger tells me that I have ::pause for dramatic effect:: a FOLLOWER. Not just a Twitter follower, but a blog follower!
So a BIG shoutout to follower numero uno, Jeff! Welcome to the wonderful world of The Incident. It's a pleasure to have you aboard this crazy ride! And thanks for the follow on Twitter too. If you ever have a topic that you'd like me to try and tackle here on The Incident Report, let me know.
OK. Fine. I know what you other skeptical bastards are thinking. "Come on, Incident, it's one person." Well go ahead you other people who stumble upon my blog and see this entry and laugh at me. But, to a novice blogger trying to find their way in this crazy thing the kids are calling the inter-web, having one person follow my BLOG, not just following me on Twitter, is a freaking honor. I now have a captive audience of AT LEAST one that I know I'm writing for. And that makes me want to keep writing.
To all you other novice bloggers out there, here's hoping you get your first Jeff.
- The Incident
But lo and behold, upon my signing in, Blogger tells me that I have ::pause for dramatic effect:: a FOLLOWER. Not just a Twitter follower, but a blog follower!
So a BIG shoutout to follower numero uno, Jeff! Welcome to the wonderful world of The Incident. It's a pleasure to have you aboard this crazy ride! And thanks for the follow on Twitter too. If you ever have a topic that you'd like me to try and tackle here on The Incident Report, let me know.
OK. Fine. I know what you other skeptical bastards are thinking. "Come on, Incident, it's one person." Well go ahead you other people who stumble upon my blog and see this entry and laugh at me. But, to a novice blogger trying to find their way in this crazy thing the kids are calling the inter-web, having one person follow my BLOG, not just following me on Twitter, is a freaking honor. I now have a captive audience of AT LEAST one that I know I'm writing for. And that makes me want to keep writing.
To all you other novice bloggers out there, here's hoping you get your first Jeff.
- The Incident
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Things That Make You Go Hmmm ... Part Deux
I haven't blogged in quite some time. I've been trying to find something to write about that would be worthy of whomever decided to make the 100th visit to my blog, but I think I've been suffering from writer's mono. It's much more serious than writers block, believe me. You're unable to lift heavy topics for blogging because your spleen might burst, and you're so tired you may just pass out at the keyboard.
I've asked my vastly expanded follower base on Twitter for a few suggestions (I appreciate you all!), but it appears that the idea well is a bit dry at the moment. I suppose that's to be expected. We are, after all, coming up on Memorial Day weekend so people are thinking about grilling, how they're going to fit into their swimsuits as that last minute bleach-banana-peel-and-cayenne-pepper cleanse diet just didn't quite do the trick, and battling the traffic on the roads. That being said, I think it's time I revisit "Things That Make You Go Hmmm" and put it in for a second installment. Below you will find a list of some more things that have made me go "hmmm" recently.
I've asked my vastly expanded follower base on Twitter for a few suggestions (I appreciate you all!), but it appears that the idea well is a bit dry at the moment. I suppose that's to be expected. We are, after all, coming up on Memorial Day weekend so people are thinking about grilling, how they're going to fit into their swimsuits as that last minute bleach-banana-peel-and-cayenne-pepper cleanse diet just didn't quite do the trick, and battling the traffic on the roads. That being said, I think it's time I revisit "Things That Make You Go Hmmm" and put it in for a second installment. Below you will find a list of some more things that have made me go "hmmm" recently.
- Still wondering since I first wrote it, What, exactly, is Lady Gaga? And why do I keep buying his/her/its songs?
- Why am I so damned addicted to "Glee?"
- "Glee" will be featuring songs by Lady Gaga tonight. Did my mention of the above two bullet points just create a black hole in the universe?
- How is it that Heidi Montag Pratt decided to follow me on Twitter?
- Who has their head shoved further up their collective asses in relation to the BP Oil spill - BP for not having a book FULL of contingency plans in case there was an oil spill, the Federal Government for not having their own book AND for now having to rely on BP's non-existent book of contingency plans, or Sarah Palin for saying that this whole thing is the Fed's fault. (I'm sorry, lady, but weren't you creaming your GOP purchased panties whenever a crowd broke out into "Drill Baby, Drill!" not all that long ago?)
- Two words. Rand Paul.
- Three words. The Tea Party.
- Why do I find it so difficult to be snarky and witty in the maximum 140 characters when I Tweet?
- Why am I hungry right now? I just ate something. Damnit.
- How did Paris Hilton's full album get on to my iPod?
- Where should I go on vacation this summer? I really have to get away ...
- Do my Twitter followers and readers of this blog wonder if I'm a chick or a dude or if I'm more than one person?
- Is "Things That Make You Go Hmmm" going to be a regular blog post here at "The Incident Report?"
- What asshole at Millions of Milkshakes decided that Perez Hilton fell into the "celebrity" category and let him come up with his own milkshake flavor?
- If I could be a celebrity, what would my milkshake flavor be?
- Why haven't I won the lottery yet? Statistics be damned!
- Why can't a judge send Lindsay Lohan to jail before she kills someone or herself?
- When will I do the next installment of "Things That Make You Go Hmmm?"
Tune in regularly to find out. Remember, if you have a topic that you'd like me to try and conquer here at The Incident Report, send it to me on Twitter where you can find me as @IncidentReport. Thanks for your support and see you in cyberspace!
- The Incident
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
License and Registration, Please
No one likes to get pulled over by the cops. If you're anything like me, you start thinking about any possible illegal thing that you may have done in the past, oh, I don't know, five years. "There was that one time that I jay walked," or "Damnit, I was indeed talking on my cellphone without using an ear piece." Sometimes I even get so paranoid that I start thinking along the lines of, "Do I look like anyone on the current FBI's Most Wanted List," or "This cop is going to think that I am reaching for something other than the registration that I keep in my glove compartment and I'm going to get tazered in the back of the head." (Side bar: Why is it called the "glove compartment?" I don't know anyone with hands big enough to need gloves of that magnitude, except for Sasquatch, and he doesn't do a whole lot of driving.)
I must say that I haven't been pulled over many times in my life - I am a pretty decent driver. The four times that I can recall were for the following reasons:
I must say that I haven't been pulled over many times in my life - I am a pretty decent driver. The four times that I can recall were for the following reasons:
- Blowing off a red light at 3:30 AM when there were absolutely no other drivers on the road ... except for the car that I watched pull up behind me at the light after double checking to make sure it WASN'T a cop (damnit). I was lucky enough not to get a ticket that time, but got verbal warning. And as a result, no matter WHAT time it is, I don't blow off red lights (unless I'm already moving on a yellow light).
- Speeding. There was a car that had been in front of me (going down a mountain, literally) that kept slamming on its breaks and there was a cop behind me. When I got off the mountain, I passed the car in front of me and took off - I needed some space between our cars because I was really irritated. And then the cop pulled me over. That time I got two written warnings. One for the speeding (although the cop never bothered to tell me how fast I was going, nor did he write it down on the warning), and another for not having proof of insurance even though it wasn't my car and my friend had thrown out the most current insurance card and kept the expired one. Stellar. But now a days, I really won't go more than 5 over on residential streets and no more than 10 over on the highways.
- Following too closely. Yeah ... apparently I was following a police officer too closely. She didn't feel that I had left enough space in between her cruiser and my car. At one point, she slammed on her breaks to try and get me to rear-end her (which she actually told me when she pulled me over was my "warning" - I had thought she was trying to miss a squirrel). I quite honestly didn't know I was tailgating and when I asked her what the legal space was for traveling behind a police officer, she told me 250 feet. When I later looked it up, that space requirement was for officers responding to an emergency with lights and sirens (she had neither on). She gave me a written warning. And as a result, I now make sure that there's three seconds of space in between me and the car in front of me, and at stops I make sure I can see the bottoms of the back tires of the car in front of me.
- Failure to come to a complete stop at a stop sign. This one I got a ticket for (despite the fact that I thought I was going to pee my pants and was less than a minute from my house which is the whole reason I didn't stop all the way at the sign - cop didn't buy it). The most irritating thing about this one is that my father had the trap set (he's not a cop, just a neighborhood watch type of guy). There were a lot of complaints of people blowing off that stop sign, so he got the trap set. OH, and he forgot to tell me about it. Stellar. But now, I come to a complete stop at all stop signs. Which, I might add, gets me beeped at, cussed at, etc. I had one person speed past me, hang out their window, cuss me off, give me the finger, lay on their horn, ALL IN THE OTHER LANE OF ON COMING TRAFFIC, and then cut me off while blowing through the next stop sign. The one where I, again, came to a complete stop. Where was a cop then?
I guess you could say that all of the times I've been pulled over really did teach me a lesson. Sometimes I wonder if it works on other drivers. I'm guessing probably not.
The one thing that pisses me off beyond belief is that people STILL talk on their cell phones without a head piece (regardless of whether or not it's legal or illegal to do so in your state). I know the research says that the distraction is less to do with holding the phone and more to do with the conversation, but there is no need to add to the chaos by taking a hand off the wheel to hold the phone. USE AN EARPIECE! I also hate the fact that I can drive by 5 cops in a day and every damn one of them is on their cell phone and also NOT using an ear piece. ARGH!
No matter how many times I've been pulled over though, I still feel like I'm going to hurl. I get freaked out and think that I'm going to be dragged "downtown," accused of a crime I didn't commit, the object of mistaken identity with no alibi to make everything go away and an incompetent legal aid attorney that wouldn't be able to get the judge to give me bail.
And then I think, "Man ... I watch way too much 'Law & Order'."
- The Incident
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Weird News Day
So I've been sitting here for a little bit, trying to figure out what I could possibly blog about today. Usually I look to the news (CNN.com, FOX.com, Google News, etc.) for inspiration. But alas, the only thing that is striking me is that pretty much EVERYTHING is weird news today.
Take for example, the current front page of CNN.com (as pictured above). When I arrived and scrolled down to the "Don't Miss" section, I found the following: a story detailing "What those Dreams Really Mean" (translation: why it's a bad idea to eat 3 Chalupas and drink a large milkshake right before bed), a story quoting Bret Michaels statement that he's "lucky to be alive" (side bar: No shit he's lucky to be alive. And I'm not talking about the recent bleeding from his brain stem. Bless his heart, he seems to be a good guy but what with having diabetes and partying like the rock star he is, I'm amazed he's lasted this long!), and a headline reading, "New Dating Site for Apple Lovers" (which means that there really IS some truth to that "I'm a Mac," "I'm a PC" nonsense after all).
But I think my favorite WTF news headline is for a video, which I refuse to watch, entitled, "Fans toss panties, bras, at rapper Drake."
I will repeat that.
"Fans toss panties, bras, at rapper Drake."
I realize that the big news about the Times Square Would-be-Bomber and the tragedy in Tennessee get the top billing (as they should), but usually the section right below contains ACTUAL news. Not just silly filler. There's other crap in there that makes me shake my head.
Honestly, after seeing that crap, I think I'm spent. My brain now hurts. I have brain freeze without the benefit of having enjoyed a delightfully cold beverage and/or snack. How could the editorial staff at CNN.com say, "By God, we have to run the bit about the ladies throwing their undergarments at that rapper!" Bastards.
- The Incident
Monday, May 3, 2010
Lions and Tigers and Pollen, Oh My ... Wait. What?
Once again, at the request of a dedicated Twitter follower, I am writing today's blog post on the topic of allergies.
While I do believe that flowers have a certain appeal and while I do enjoy the shade of a tree in the summertime, I really wish there was an alternate to the yearly explosion of pollen from grass, trees, and the like. I hate the bi-yearly tradition where I fall into a miserable tailspin of watery eyes, sneezing fits, and using enough Kleenex (product plug!) that really has me considering buying stock in the company in the spring and in the fall.
What I would really like to know is just where in the hell my body stores all the snot that comes out of my head when my allergies kick in. I have been known to use a box of Kleenex in less than 8 hours. Sneeze, blow my nose, sneeze, blow my nose, blow my nose some more, sneeze, blow my brains out of my nostrils, sneeze, sneeze, sneeze, eyes start watering, sneeze, sneeze. By the time I'm done, it's a miracle that I am still hydrated and haven't lost 3 to 5 pounds.
Claratin (product plug!) is a life saver, in my humble opinion. Thank GOD that company wised up and started to let people buy it without having to have a prescription. I'm sure they're selling tons of it now. And I'll tell you what, it does work in a pinch!
I don't really understand the science behind pollen - the different types, etc. But I can tell you this. I was taking a drive with a friend this past weekend and we had the windows down in the car. All of the sudden, I smelled something (no one farted, it wasn't a skunk) and my friend's eyes started watering uncontrollably, then I started in with my sneezing symphony. There was a distinct plant-blooming type smell that hit us like a brick wall. It was the first time that had ever happened to me, but by God, I'm glad that whatever that pollen producing plant was isn't blooming in my back yard! It was a miracle that we were able to stay on the road. Stupid pollen. Stupid allergies.
- The Incident
While I do believe that flowers have a certain appeal and while I do enjoy the shade of a tree in the summertime, I really wish there was an alternate to the yearly explosion of pollen from grass, trees, and the like. I hate the bi-yearly tradition where I fall into a miserable tailspin of watery eyes, sneezing fits, and using enough Kleenex (product plug!) that really has me considering buying stock in the company in the spring and in the fall.
What I would really like to know is just where in the hell my body stores all the snot that comes out of my head when my allergies kick in. I have been known to use a box of Kleenex in less than 8 hours. Sneeze, blow my nose, sneeze, blow my nose, blow my nose some more, sneeze, blow my brains out of my nostrils, sneeze, sneeze, sneeze, eyes start watering, sneeze, sneeze. By the time I'm done, it's a miracle that I am still hydrated and haven't lost 3 to 5 pounds.
Claratin (product plug!) is a life saver, in my humble opinion. Thank GOD that company wised up and started to let people buy it without having to have a prescription. I'm sure they're selling tons of it now. And I'll tell you what, it does work in a pinch!
I don't really understand the science behind pollen - the different types, etc. But I can tell you this. I was taking a drive with a friend this past weekend and we had the windows down in the car. All of the sudden, I smelled something (no one farted, it wasn't a skunk) and my friend's eyes started watering uncontrollably, then I started in with my sneezing symphony. There was a distinct plant-blooming type smell that hit us like a brick wall. It was the first time that had ever happened to me, but by God, I'm glad that whatever that pollen producing plant was isn't blooming in my back yard! It was a miracle that we were able to stay on the road. Stupid pollen. Stupid allergies.
- The Incident
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Where's My Sock Monkey? He Was Supposed to Pick Me up An Hour Ago!
A few days ago, one of my friends and I were watching TV and that Kia Sorento ad came on - I'm sure you know the one. It features (left to right, as pictured above) our friends Mr. X, Robot, Muno, Sock Monkey, and Teddy Bear, all cruising around in their flashy Kia Sorento. (click here to see the full ad that originally aired during the Super Bowl).
While we were watching the ad, which I have seen countless times and quite enjoy, I suddenly found myself laughing quite uncontrollably. My friend could not get me to stop. "What is so funny?" "Can you breathe?" "Please don't pee your pants, I just cleaned the covers on that sofa." Those were all comments made while the ad ran its course on TV.
When I finally caught my breath and stopped laughing, I was able to explain that the song playing in the background ("How You Like Me Now" by The Heavy) was really to blame. I turned to my friend and said, "How You Like Me Now? Well, if I'm being honest, Sock Monkey, you're a bitch for not picking me up and taking me for a ride sooner!" And then I broke into hysterics again.
Perhaps this needs more of an explanation. Often times, for no apparent reason, my mind will visualize things that cannot happen. For instance, I frequently laugh when I hear the title track to "The Sound of Music" because I envision a tiny, snow capped mountain with sharp rock teeth chasing me. Per the lyrics, "The hills are alive ..." That's really all it takes.
But this ad takes things a step further. The Sock Monkey, in my opinion, is the star of the ad. He rides the mechanical bull, he drives the car, he gets a tattoo. This is a Sock Monkey that I could quite easily get along with. The beauty part is that I didn't have to imagine what it would be like to hang out with this gang of toys - the proof is in the ad! I don't want to go out and buy the car (sorry, Kia), but I ABSOLUTELY do want that damn Sock Monkey to hurry up and get to my house so we can go on a road trip and cause shenanigans across the Continental U.S.!!!
So seriously, where the hell is Sock Monkey? The clock is ticking and I really want to step out on the town.
- The Incident
Thursday, April 8, 2010
The Gosselin Family: A Glimpse into an American Trainwreck
Let me start this blog post with the following statement ... I do not like Jon or Kate Gosselin. You know, the "celebrity" couple who had that TLC show "Jon & Kate Plus 8." Oh, TLC, you witty, witty name creators you!
These people are only a celebrity couple because she has the ability to carry and birth multiple children at a time and/or he has super sperm (with a little help from some fertility drugs). Pretty creepy. I think celebrities should be celebrities because they have some talent and not because they were cast for a reality show but perhaps I should leave THAT for another day.
As you may or may not know, Jon and Kate recently split up. Apparently he was sleeping with at least one chick who could have been the nanny for his litter of children. Not that Kate is the nicest person to get along with in the world (so it's been rumored) ... she's a diva who allegedly ignores her children for a good portion of the time, demands free stuff, etc., etc.
But here's what really ticks me off. Shortly after the pair split up, Jon went to "live it up" with his freakishly young gal-pals (perhaps these young ladies enjoy his hair plugs - which he only has as a result of Kate's ability to get freebies on demand). He hobnobbed in Vegas, hung out with the illustrious Michael Lohan (the lowlife father to Lindsay Lohan), requested and is receiving alimony, and was very VERY visibly missing from his children's lives. He apparently went on a ski trip, left the kids with a nanny who he didn't know very well, and stayed out until 3 AM getting hammered at a local bar. What a classy guy!
In a new twist, because Kate is participating on "Dancing With The Stars," and travelling a lot to LA to film the show (the litter resides in the state of Pennsylvania), Jon has decided to file suit against his former wife to try and get full custody.
Kate is a provider. She gets free trips, free clothes, etc., for her children. She writes books that people apparently read. She negotiated with the TLC folks and has another installment of her show, now titled "Kate Plus 8." This woman (personality aside) can clearly get shit done and would appear to be able to negotiate with the best of them. The best Jon Gosselin managed to do was to pick up some free Ed Hardy swag, thus ruining the brand for the rest of society (an act for which he shall never be forgiven), and mopes around pathetically enough to get alimony payments from his wife. And this asshole is now claiming she is an "absentee parent" (even though she practices for the show at home and travels to LA once a week) and he should be awarded full custody. There are parents who travel MANY more days of the week than that for work, leaving their children in the hands of capable caretakers/nannies, and aren't declared "absentee parents."
All of that aside, it is clear to me that Kate has some inner desire to be famous and I can't really tell if she's using the kids to get to that goal or not. It is also clear to me that Jon is doing just about whatever he can to cling to the spotlight, and I think this new lawsuit against Kate is evidence of that.
What is also clear to me is that, somewhere along the way, both of these parents lost sight of what is truly important. And that would be THE CHILDREN. There are 8 little kids out there who are tracked by the paparazzi, filmed by a TLC camera crew constantly to make up the episodes for their reality show, and who don't get a lot of time to spend with their parents one on one because their parents are too busy worrying about themselves. It's hard enough to pay the right amount of individual attention to a clan of kids that large without all of the other nonsense in their lives, but neither parent seems to give a damn. And I think that is just really, really sad.
- The Incident
These people are only a celebrity couple because she has the ability to carry and birth multiple children at a time and/or he has super sperm (with a little help from some fertility drugs). Pretty creepy. I think celebrities should be celebrities because they have some talent and not because they were cast for a reality show but perhaps I should leave THAT for another day.
As you may or may not know, Jon and Kate recently split up. Apparently he was sleeping with at least one chick who could have been the nanny for his litter of children. Not that Kate is the nicest person to get along with in the world (so it's been rumored) ... she's a diva who allegedly ignores her children for a good portion of the time, demands free stuff, etc., etc.
But here's what really ticks me off. Shortly after the pair split up, Jon went to "live it up" with his freakishly young gal-pals (perhaps these young ladies enjoy his hair plugs - which he only has as a result of Kate's ability to get freebies on demand). He hobnobbed in Vegas, hung out with the illustrious Michael Lohan (the lowlife father to Lindsay Lohan), requested and is receiving alimony, and was very VERY visibly missing from his children's lives. He apparently went on a ski trip, left the kids with a nanny who he didn't know very well, and stayed out until 3 AM getting hammered at a local bar. What a classy guy!
In a new twist, because Kate is participating on "Dancing With The Stars," and travelling a lot to LA to film the show (the litter resides in the state of Pennsylvania), Jon has decided to file suit against his former wife to try and get full custody.
Kate is a provider. She gets free trips, free clothes, etc., for her children. She writes books that people apparently read. She negotiated with the TLC folks and has another installment of her show, now titled "Kate Plus 8." This woman (personality aside) can clearly get shit done and would appear to be able to negotiate with the best of them. The best Jon Gosselin managed to do was to pick up some free Ed Hardy swag, thus ruining the brand for the rest of society (an act for which he shall never be forgiven), and mopes around pathetically enough to get alimony payments from his wife. And this asshole is now claiming she is an "absentee parent" (even though she practices for the show at home and travels to LA once a week) and he should be awarded full custody. There are parents who travel MANY more days of the week than that for work, leaving their children in the hands of capable caretakers/nannies, and aren't declared "absentee parents."
All of that aside, it is clear to me that Kate has some inner desire to be famous and I can't really tell if she's using the kids to get to that goal or not. It is also clear to me that Jon is doing just about whatever he can to cling to the spotlight, and I think this new lawsuit against Kate is evidence of that.
What is also clear to me is that, somewhere along the way, both of these parents lost sight of what is truly important. And that would be THE CHILDREN. There are 8 little kids out there who are tracked by the paparazzi, filmed by a TLC camera crew constantly to make up the episodes for their reality show, and who don't get a lot of time to spend with their parents one on one because their parents are too busy worrying about themselves. It's hard enough to pay the right amount of individual attention to a clan of kids that large without all of the other nonsense in their lives, but neither parent seems to give a damn. And I think that is just really, really sad.
- The Incident
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Naughty Snack Food
Once again, a Tweet from a twitter buddy has inspired me to blog. The topic today ... what is it with snack foods being named dirty names?
I'm sure most of you can think of some right off the bat: Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, Twinkies.
But I did a quick Google search to see if there were more that I might have missed and, well, WOW. I mean, as I sit here thinking about it, I'm kind of amazed. There are Moon Pies, Sno Balls, Little Schoolboys, Cloud Nines, Poppycock, Screaming Yellow Zonkers, and Mini Butter Puffs. How can any adult, even an adult with the purest of minds, buy a child a Sno Ball or a Ding Dong with a straight face?
And then there's one that took the cake, or pudding I suppose because that's what it is. And it is called Spotted Dick.
Now how do you think THAT board meeting went down?
Snack Food Development Team Leader (SFDTL): "OK team, we have spent months on this product. This is the best pudding that money can buy! But we need a top-notch name so we can take those Jell-O snobs to the cleaners. What have you got for me?"
Snack Food Development Team Member 1 (SFDTM1): "Well sir, what about 'Delicious Dandy Pudding?' Because our pudding really is both delicious and dandy. I think we keep it simple and the people are going to go wild."
SFDTL: "That's not half bad. We keep it simple and tell the people what it is. Anyone else have anything to consider?"
Snack Food Development Team Member 2 (SFDTM2): "I have one, sir. What about 'Perfect Pudding.' Because clearly, our pudding is perfect. While it's an old recipie, we've made easy for people to buy and enjoy. I think 'Perfect Pudding' is the way to go."
SFDTM1: >mumbles under breath< "Spotted Dick."
SFDTM2: "What did you just call me?!?"
SFDTL: "That's it! Brilliant!"
SFDTM2: "Thank you, sir!"
SFDTL: "No not you, you idiot. I meant 'Spotted Dick.' I love it. People are going to love eating Spotted Dick!"
Ummm. Yeah. With all of these ridiculous names for snack foods out there, I'm not quite sure if I'll ever be able to go to the grocery store snack aisle again with a straight face.
- The Incident
I'm sure most of you can think of some right off the bat: Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, Twinkies.
But I did a quick Google search to see if there were more that I might have missed and, well, WOW. I mean, as I sit here thinking about it, I'm kind of amazed. There are Moon Pies, Sno Balls, Little Schoolboys, Cloud Nines, Poppycock, Screaming Yellow Zonkers, and Mini Butter Puffs. How can any adult, even an adult with the purest of minds, buy a child a Sno Ball or a Ding Dong with a straight face?
And then there's one that took the cake, or pudding I suppose because that's what it is. And it is called Spotted Dick.
Now how do you think THAT board meeting went down?
Snack Food Development Team Leader (SFDTL): "OK team, we have spent months on this product. This is the best pudding that money can buy! But we need a top-notch name so we can take those Jell-O snobs to the cleaners. What have you got for me?"
Snack Food Development Team Member 1 (SFDTM1): "Well sir, what about 'Delicious Dandy Pudding?' Because our pudding really is both delicious and dandy. I think we keep it simple and the people are going to go wild."
SFDTL: "That's not half bad. We keep it simple and tell the people what it is. Anyone else have anything to consider?"
Snack Food Development Team Member 2 (SFDTM2): "I have one, sir. What about 'Perfect Pudding.' Because clearly, our pudding is perfect. While it's an old recipie, we've made easy for people to buy and enjoy. I think 'Perfect Pudding' is the way to go."
SFDTM1: >mumbles under breath< "Spotted Dick."
SFDTM2: "What did you just call me?!?"
SFDTL: "That's it! Brilliant!"
SFDTM2: "Thank you, sir!"
SFDTL: "No not you, you idiot. I meant 'Spotted Dick.' I love it. People are going to love eating Spotted Dick!"
Ummm. Yeah. With all of these ridiculous names for snack foods out there, I'm not quite sure if I'll ever be able to go to the grocery store snack aisle again with a straight face.
- The Incident
Monday, April 5, 2010
The Great Candy Clean Out
In The Incident Household, I like to consider the day after Easter, "The Great Candy Clean Out." It fits perfectly with this time of year. People are doing their spring cleaning, putting away heavier coats for lighter coats and packing away sweaters and mittens. The Great Candy Clean Out is very similar to Spring Cleaning, but perhaps, to the layman, could be considered a bit more ... how shall I put this tactfully ... disgusting.
All year long, people give other people candy. There's Valentine's Day candy, St. Patrick's Day candy, Easter candy, 4th of July candy, Arbor day candy, Halloween candy, Hanukkah candy, Christmas candy. These candy executives have found EVERY POSSIBLE REASON, nay excuse, to make it acceptable to give someone candy for any occasion. I kid you not, I have seen advertised in certain magazines "Gummy Sacrificial Lambs" and Holy Cross shaped dip sticks (you know, the little candy stick that you lick and then put into a pouch of colored sugar and then lick again so that you're absolutely certain to fall into some sort of diabetic shock at some point?). Honestly ... THAT is how far people are taking it.
So, all year long, I graciously accept the candy that is given to me with every intention of eating all of it. I even go so far as to divide my candy into separate containers - hard candy and chocolaty candy. Why, you may ask? Well, to be perfectly frank, chocolate that tastes like mint or bubble gum from sitting co-mingled for so long is positively disgusting to your truly.
But as time wears on, I find that I'm overwhelmed. I can't eat all of it. I get so much candy that even taking it to work and putting it in a little jar in my office hardly puts a dent in the stash.
Thus the need for The Great Candy Clean Out.
The day after Easter, once I've assessed what new candy I have received, I go to my cupboard and pull down my buckets. And I sigh. Because there is candy in those buckets from LAST Easter that I need to get rid of to make way for the new candy! Peeps as hard as rocks, last year's take from Hershey on how to make the M&M's characters look like they fit in with the holiday. I begrudgingly pull out what's left from last Easter (and last Valentine's day, and any other holiday from the year before - with the exception of Christmas ... we leave those candy canes until July or so), and put it to rest in the trash can.
The one thing that I usually will hold on to are the Peeps, though. Rock Peeps. They're a tad too adorable to merely put out with old banana peels and used coffee filters. But what to DO with them? It gets me every year. And I know I'm not the only one who suffers with this dilemma, so I've come up with a few ideas on what you can do to save your Peeps and use them throughout the year without having to throw them away.
All year long, people give other people candy. There's Valentine's Day candy, St. Patrick's Day candy, Easter candy, 4th of July candy, Arbor day candy, Halloween candy, Hanukkah candy, Christmas candy. These candy executives have found EVERY POSSIBLE REASON, nay excuse, to make it acceptable to give someone candy for any occasion. I kid you not, I have seen advertised in certain magazines "Gummy Sacrificial Lambs" and Holy Cross shaped dip sticks (you know, the little candy stick that you lick and then put into a pouch of colored sugar and then lick again so that you're absolutely certain to fall into some sort of diabetic shock at some point?). Honestly ... THAT is how far people are taking it.
So, all year long, I graciously accept the candy that is given to me with every intention of eating all of it. I even go so far as to divide my candy into separate containers - hard candy and chocolaty candy. Why, you may ask? Well, to be perfectly frank, chocolate that tastes like mint or bubble gum from sitting co-mingled for so long is positively disgusting to your truly.
But as time wears on, I find that I'm overwhelmed. I can't eat all of it. I get so much candy that even taking it to work and putting it in a little jar in my office hardly puts a dent in the stash.
Thus the need for The Great Candy Clean Out.
The day after Easter, once I've assessed what new candy I have received, I go to my cupboard and pull down my buckets. And I sigh. Because there is candy in those buckets from LAST Easter that I need to get rid of to make way for the new candy! Peeps as hard as rocks, last year's take from Hershey on how to make the M&M's characters look like they fit in with the holiday. I begrudgingly pull out what's left from last Easter (and last Valentine's day, and any other holiday from the year before - with the exception of Christmas ... we leave those candy canes until July or so), and put it to rest in the trash can.
The one thing that I usually will hold on to are the Peeps, though. Rock Peeps. They're a tad too adorable to merely put out with old banana peels and used coffee filters. But what to DO with them? It gets me every year. And I know I'm not the only one who suffers with this dilemma, so I've come up with a few ideas on what you can do to save your Peeps and use them throughout the year without having to throw them away.
- Use your old Peeps as marshmallow replacements in hot cocoa during Christmas. Explain to your least favorite Uncle or your in-laws that you're all out of tiny marshmallows but that you have those Peeps left over from Easter and you didn't think they'd mind. This will guarantee an early exit on their part and leave you to enjoy the rest of your holiday.
- Going camping this summer? Bring the Peeps along and use them to make Smores!
- Throw them, full force, at an attacker during a home invasion. Aim for the temple and, if you hit right on target, you'll be sure to have made a citizen's arrest before the police even arrive.
- Next Valentine's Day rolls around and you want to have a romantic dinner in ... well pull out that fondue pot, get the chocolate warmed and find something that will be able to penetrate that rock solid Peep because, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for Peep fondue!
- For the overly ambitious, take your Peep collection and clear out your local pharmacy of all of their clearance Peeps a few days after the holiday. When you have enough, begin a Peep sculpture to fit your fancy and make it as large as you want. If a sculpture isn't to your liking, get a glue gun and a canvas and make a picture out of the Peeps, using all of the colors in which they are now available.
As you can clearly see, there are many great uses for Peeps post-Easter, no matter what time of year it is. So take part in the Great Candy Clean Out, but remember ... treasure your Peeps, for there are so many uses for them.
- The Incident
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Part of The Problem
I am often inspired by Twitter trending topics (and I have tried, unsuccessfully, to start a few of my own - cowbell as a trending topic was just plain fun though, I will admit!). When I took a look today, I was rather intrigued to see #PartOfTheProblem as a trending topic, so I clicked to see what humanity (or twitter-manity) thought part of the problem really is in this world of ours.
Admittedly, I was a tad surprised to see that part of the problem has to do with relationships. Or rather, how people think relationships should run. Granted, many of these tweets included the word "hos" and other words that I don't care to bring in to my happy little blog home. And if you're tweeting about hos, then yes, I would imagine part of the problem, or the twitter-ers problem likely DOES have to do with relationships.
There were a few tweets about not giving your heart to God, and some about Justin Bieber. For the LOVE of ALL that is good in this world, can someone PLEASE explain to me just what the appeal is with that kid? And further more, who picked him to be the lead in on "Heal The World" part two? I think THAT is part of the problem (with that particular song, anyway).
Then there were a few that stood out as rather touching. Someone noting the difficulties in writing a book and getting the character to accurately portray him/herself to the reader. Another noting the difficulty in being a good person.
In my own humble opinion, here is a list of things that I think fall into the "part of the problem" category:
Admittedly, I was a tad surprised to see that part of the problem has to do with relationships. Or rather, how people think relationships should run. Granted, many of these tweets included the word "hos" and other words that I don't care to bring in to my happy little blog home. And if you're tweeting about hos, then yes, I would imagine part of the problem, or the twitter-ers problem likely DOES have to do with relationships.
There were a few tweets about not giving your heart to God, and some about Justin Bieber. For the LOVE of ALL that is good in this world, can someone PLEASE explain to me just what the appeal is with that kid? And further more, who picked him to be the lead in on "Heal The World" part two? I think THAT is part of the problem (with that particular song, anyway).
Then there were a few that stood out as rather touching. Someone noting the difficulties in writing a book and getting the character to accurately portray him/herself to the reader. Another noting the difficulty in being a good person.
In my own humble opinion, here is a list of things that I think fall into the "part of the problem" category:
- People don't appreciate their lives enough. Even though there is bad (and it sometimes seems like more bad than any one person should take), the blinders remain on to block out any bit of good.
- There's too much fighting in Washington, DC. We elect these people to go and fight for us and, once they get there, they loose sight of that and worry only about their images, paychecks, and getting re-elected (probably in that order). I find this to be the case more often than not for ALL parties.
- I want to be a millionaire but damned if that lottery hasn't worked out for me just yet.
- People have very short attention spans now a days - when was the last time the crisis in Haiti was in the news?
But I think the most important item on the part of the problem list is that people seem to have lost a common sense of kindness and courtesy towards their fellow man. How often do you ignore a homeless person on your way to work? How often do you not hold the door for someone when they're trying to walk into a building and their arms are full? How often do you ignore the person behind the cash register at the grocery store or pharmacy and not tell them to have a nice day? How often do you cut someone off in traffic, judge someone by the way they look before you know them, or talk on your cell phone in a public restroom? (That last one may seem WAAAY out of left field, but I am talking about common courtesy here too and that one is just so wrong, I can't even think straight!).
All in all, part of the problem is that people have lost the ability, interest, or desire to care about the other cohabitants on this planet. And if everyone could just take a moment to remember that, despite our differences, we're all in this together, then maybe we could be on the path to finding part of the solution.
- The Incident
Friday, April 2, 2010
You’re Getting A Sandwich At What Location?
First and foremost, let me just say … The Incident is back! After a pretty decent hiatus, I am back with more energy, more happiness, and more snarky commentary that some of you have come to know and love.
Now, onward we go to today’s blog (again, a topic recommended to me by a devoted and delightful Twitter follower – that’s right, you suggest it and I’ll take a stab at blogging it!). So here’s the question: Why has Twitter started offering people the ability to include their location in their Tweets, or perhaps more importantly, why are people using this functionality?
To be perfectly frank, I just don’t freaking get it. At all. Perhaps that’s because I prefer my anonymity – I like to write under a pen name and let people think of me what they will. It’s like I’m a character in a book … you can get your own picture of me in your head, see what I look like, what I would do in certain situations, etc. And the imagination is a very fun thing. But then the movie version comes out and the director has cast me as someone VERY different than what you had imagined. All of the sudden, in the movie version, I’m doing something that you know (or at least that your imagination knows) I would never really do. And that takes the fun out of it.
I suppose for certain celebrities or people who aren’t anonymous on Twitter, this functionality makes sense. If you have a Twitter account and a lot of your friends are following you, then they can see that you’re getting a sandwich at the corner of Main and Maple Streets and, if they too are in the neighborhood, they can come meet up with you. Although why a celebrity would want to publish where they’re getting their nails done or picking up their dry cleaning is a bit beyond me. Yes, please do give the paparazzi another reason to destroy your life. Unless of course you’re a “celebrity” for no real reason and you’re grasping at straws to hang on to the public eye (Heidi Montag Pratt comes to mind – poor little dear). Now for Heidi to publish where she’s getting her nails done, or where she’s going to get her latest plastic surgery taken care of so that perhaps a paparazzi will follow (or a crazed fan), then I guess it makes sense too.
And then there is Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson. (Sidebar: If I ever meet him, I will say, “Chad Johnson, it is a pleasure to meet you.” I will NOT address him as “Ochocinco.” I can’t even begin to imagine what his mother and father thought when he legally changed his name.) This guy apparently doesn’t have a personal assistant. Rather, he will tweet or post on Facebook where he is or what he’s doing and ask his followers for help. In Miami and looking for a good mechanic? He posts and, within minutes, his fans from all across the world give him suggestions. Not sure how to use that pesky new XM Radio? No problem! Just ask your civilian friends for help and the suggestions will come pouring in. In this instance of the Twitter “I’m at X location,” I can see how one can benefit and frankly, I applaud him for saving money and using this functionality for everything it’s worth!
At any rate, like I said, for those of us who prefer to remain anonymous like characters in a good novel, this functionality is a killer. If you knew where we were, then you might start to think of us differently. And where indeed is the fun in that?
- The Incident
Now, onward we go to today’s blog (again, a topic recommended to me by a devoted and delightful Twitter follower – that’s right, you suggest it and I’ll take a stab at blogging it!). So here’s the question: Why has Twitter started offering people the ability to include their location in their Tweets, or perhaps more importantly, why are people using this functionality?
To be perfectly frank, I just don’t freaking get it. At all. Perhaps that’s because I prefer my anonymity – I like to write under a pen name and let people think of me what they will. It’s like I’m a character in a book … you can get your own picture of me in your head, see what I look like, what I would do in certain situations, etc. And the imagination is a very fun thing. But then the movie version comes out and the director has cast me as someone VERY different than what you had imagined. All of the sudden, in the movie version, I’m doing something that you know (or at least that your imagination knows) I would never really do. And that takes the fun out of it.
I suppose for certain celebrities or people who aren’t anonymous on Twitter, this functionality makes sense. If you have a Twitter account and a lot of your friends are following you, then they can see that you’re getting a sandwich at the corner of Main and Maple Streets and, if they too are in the neighborhood, they can come meet up with you. Although why a celebrity would want to publish where they’re getting their nails done or picking up their dry cleaning is a bit beyond me. Yes, please do give the paparazzi another reason to destroy your life. Unless of course you’re a “celebrity” for no real reason and you’re grasping at straws to hang on to the public eye (Heidi Montag Pratt comes to mind – poor little dear). Now for Heidi to publish where she’s getting her nails done, or where she’s going to get her latest plastic surgery taken care of so that perhaps a paparazzi will follow (or a crazed fan), then I guess it makes sense too.
And then there is Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson. (Sidebar: If I ever meet him, I will say, “Chad Johnson, it is a pleasure to meet you.” I will NOT address him as “Ochocinco.” I can’t even begin to imagine what his mother and father thought when he legally changed his name.) This guy apparently doesn’t have a personal assistant. Rather, he will tweet or post on Facebook where he is or what he’s doing and ask his followers for help. In Miami and looking for a good mechanic? He posts and, within minutes, his fans from all across the world give him suggestions. Not sure how to use that pesky new XM Radio? No problem! Just ask your civilian friends for help and the suggestions will come pouring in. In this instance of the Twitter “I’m at X location,” I can see how one can benefit and frankly, I applaud him for saving money and using this functionality for everything it’s worth!
At any rate, like I said, for those of us who prefer to remain anonymous like characters in a good novel, this functionality is a killer. If you knew where we were, then you might start to think of us differently. And where indeed is the fun in that?
- The Incident
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Oh Really, Idiot?
Sometimes, things make me really angry. That usually happens to people. I think the thing that makes me the most angry is ignorance. And I saw a tweet about some news today that made me really angry because of someone's ignorance.
I think it's pretty well known that the Holocaust happened. There were Nazi's and they wanted to wipe out the Jewish people and they had a leader named Adolf Hitler. There was a really big war that came about to try and get that Hitler guy out of power. Kids are taught about this in schools across the world. Germany, as a nation, is still pretty sensitive about the whole thing. There are memorials to those lives lost - both in concentration camps and in the war fought to end it - all over the world. There are Holocaust survivors and war survivors, and even former Nazis still around (and, sadly, neo-Nazi's). Yet there are still people who would deny that this monumental event in history happened.
The name of one such denier comes to mind. Iran's Mahmud Ahmadinejad.
This bone head thinks the Holocaust didn't happen. And as if that wasn't enough to piss me off, he keeps running his mouth about how 9.11 was a fabrication invented by the US Government to validate going to war in Afghanistan and fighting the war on terror.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Now, I was not around for WWII. But I sure as hell was around for 9.11. And ladies and gentleman, I realize that Hollywood has come a long way in the special effects department, but this guy has GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
There's video footage from numerous sources of those planes going into those buildings and what happened thereafter. There's the phone calls from the Hero flight before those folks stormed the cockpit to protect the other terrorist target (widely presumed to be the US Capitol Building in Washington, DC) as well as phone calls from people inside the buildings that had been hit too. So, Mr. Moron-Dictator-Who-Only-Has-One-Khaki-Pants/Jacket-Combo-Suit, are you trying to tell me that was a giant, sci-fi plot that the US Government concocted in cahoots with mega Hollywood producers? You think we took down the Twin Towers and demolished part of the Pentagon with the help of some green screens and some stunt doubles?
Let me tell you, pal ... if American politicians can't even get together to fix healthcare and help get the US economy back on track, what in the hell makes you (again, talking directly to Ahmedinejad-the-Ignorant here) think that American politicians could come together and pull something like THAT off?
And let's just examine yet another fundamental flaw in Ahmadinejad's theory. Does anyone out there recall where the US has focused most of its military efforts since 9.11? Anyone? Anoyone? Bueller?
That would be Iraq. Not Afghanistan. So we're supposed to buy in to this bullshit he's spewing about the US pulling off the 9.11 attacks on themselves so they could go attack Iraq, wait a little while, and then go to real, serious war in Afghanistan.
How is this guy still in power? I'm really, really saddened to believe that he was elected by the people (or rather, that he was able to push enough weight around and bully his way back in to power). But perhaps the most sad part is that there are people out there who believe this kind of nonsense and who are so ignorant that they think these things. UGH!
- The Incident
I think it's pretty well known that the Holocaust happened. There were Nazi's and they wanted to wipe out the Jewish people and they had a leader named Adolf Hitler. There was a really big war that came about to try and get that Hitler guy out of power. Kids are taught about this in schools across the world. Germany, as a nation, is still pretty sensitive about the whole thing. There are memorials to those lives lost - both in concentration camps and in the war fought to end it - all over the world. There are Holocaust survivors and war survivors, and even former Nazis still around (and, sadly, neo-Nazi's). Yet there are still people who would deny that this monumental event in history happened.
The name of one such denier comes to mind. Iran's Mahmud Ahmadinejad.
This bone head thinks the Holocaust didn't happen. And as if that wasn't enough to piss me off, he keeps running his mouth about how 9.11 was a fabrication invented by the US Government to validate going to war in Afghanistan and fighting the war on terror.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Now, I was not around for WWII. But I sure as hell was around for 9.11. And ladies and gentleman, I realize that Hollywood has come a long way in the special effects department, but this guy has GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
There's video footage from numerous sources of those planes going into those buildings and what happened thereafter. There's the phone calls from the Hero flight before those folks stormed the cockpit to protect the other terrorist target (widely presumed to be the US Capitol Building in Washington, DC) as well as phone calls from people inside the buildings that had been hit too. So, Mr. Moron-Dictator-Who-Only-Has-One-Khaki-Pants/Jacket-Combo-Suit, are you trying to tell me that was a giant, sci-fi plot that the US Government concocted in cahoots with mega Hollywood producers? You think we took down the Twin Towers and demolished part of the Pentagon with the help of some green screens and some stunt doubles?
Let me tell you, pal ... if American politicians can't even get together to fix healthcare and help get the US economy back on track, what in the hell makes you (again, talking directly to Ahmedinejad-the-Ignorant here) think that American politicians could come together and pull something like THAT off?
And let's just examine yet another fundamental flaw in Ahmadinejad's theory. Does anyone out there recall where the US has focused most of its military efforts since 9.11? Anyone? Anoyone? Bueller?
That would be Iraq. Not Afghanistan. So we're supposed to buy in to this bullshit he's spewing about the US pulling off the 9.11 attacks on themselves so they could go attack Iraq, wait a little while, and then go to real, serious war in Afghanistan.
How is this guy still in power? I'm really, really saddened to believe that he was elected by the people (or rather, that he was able to push enough weight around and bully his way back in to power). But perhaps the most sad part is that there are people out there who believe this kind of nonsense and who are so ignorant that they think these things. UGH!
- The Incident
Saturday, February 27, 2010
She is Pissed ...
Soooo, I'm pretty sure we're all doing something wrong. The world is pissed. Like, the literal world - the earth and dirt and sea and sand. She is pissed big time. And that might just be an understatement.
(Side bar: I'm calling the earth a "she" here because it makes it easier to get my point across. I can say things like, "Planet earth is a bitch," and "Planet earth is clearly PMSy," a lot easier if the reader has it in their mind that the earth is a she. Referring to the menstrual cycle of a "he" earth would be a little too much for me to ask of a reader to accept.)
I believe I first knew something was up when Haiti got completely ravaged by an earthquake that killed over 100,000 people. There's a part of me that just does not believe these things happen for no reason. Weathermen and women of the world can tell you that certain things happen in the atmosphere, blah-blah-blah, and that's why earthquakes and hurricanes and blizzards, etc., happen. I suppose I can buy into that with one natural disaster, but not with so many happening so close together.
So now we've got the earthquake in Chile, the tsunami that hit there, and its subsequent 32 aftershocks (at last count). Been watching the news and they're still trying to figure out how bad it is down there - I would wager a guess that it's not as bad as Haiti, but still really bad. And on top of that, we've got tsunami warnings a-plenty out for places like Japan, Russia, and Hawaii.
The deal was sealed for me on this whole, "We must be doing something wrong" bit, when I heard there was a tsunami threat for Russia.
Tsunami. Russia.
Let that sink in for a minute. Does that completely wrinkle your brain? If it doesn't, then it should. Or you're a geologist who can understand all the science behind how that's possible. Maybe I have tsunami racism or something and think that those things can only really happen in nice, warm, pleasant places with palm trees and the like, not in a land so cold and doused with vodka. But I think that the possibility of a tsunami reaching the shores of Russia is clearly indicative of the human race, as a whole, just plain doing something wrong.
Maybe we litter too much. Maybe we just aren't being nice enough to each other. Maybe the earth is paying us back for the invention of the SUV and her punishment goes out with props to the soccer moms of the world who gallantly cart 2 children to and from practice each day in a car that can accommodate up to 8.
I'd like to believe the weather people and buy in to the information they're providing. Watching the news this morning and their coverage in particular of the ring of fire, how the plates work, etc, is very reminiscent of 7th grade science and it's pretty cool to see how we can now forecast, to the hour, when a big wave is going to hit Hawaii.
(Side bar: If you're in Hawaii and you are a surfer, do NOT take the tsunami sirens as an open invitation to grab your board and hit the beach. I say this in all seriousness while at the same time realizing that that is exactly what some people are going to do ...)
But if my gut is right, and all of this natural disaster nonsense that's been going on recently is a sign that the earth is pissed, then I urge everyone to stop and think about what they're doing before they do it. If you see someone fall down, help them up ... don't just walk by like you can't see.
Think about it.
- The Incident
(Side bar: I'm calling the earth a "she" here because it makes it easier to get my point across. I can say things like, "Planet earth is a bitch," and "Planet earth is clearly PMSy," a lot easier if the reader has it in their mind that the earth is a she. Referring to the menstrual cycle of a "he" earth would be a little too much for me to ask of a reader to accept.)
I believe I first knew something was up when Haiti got completely ravaged by an earthquake that killed over 100,000 people. There's a part of me that just does not believe these things happen for no reason. Weathermen and women of the world can tell you that certain things happen in the atmosphere, blah-blah-blah, and that's why earthquakes and hurricanes and blizzards, etc., happen. I suppose I can buy into that with one natural disaster, but not with so many happening so close together.
So now we've got the earthquake in Chile, the tsunami that hit there, and its subsequent 32 aftershocks (at last count). Been watching the news and they're still trying to figure out how bad it is down there - I would wager a guess that it's not as bad as Haiti, but still really bad. And on top of that, we've got tsunami warnings a-plenty out for places like Japan, Russia, and Hawaii.
The deal was sealed for me on this whole, "We must be doing something wrong" bit, when I heard there was a tsunami threat for Russia.
Tsunami. Russia.
Let that sink in for a minute. Does that completely wrinkle your brain? If it doesn't, then it should. Or you're a geologist who can understand all the science behind how that's possible. Maybe I have tsunami racism or something and think that those things can only really happen in nice, warm, pleasant places with palm trees and the like, not in a land so cold and doused with vodka. But I think that the possibility of a tsunami reaching the shores of Russia is clearly indicative of the human race, as a whole, just plain doing something wrong.
Maybe we litter too much. Maybe we just aren't being nice enough to each other. Maybe the earth is paying us back for the invention of the SUV and her punishment goes out with props to the soccer moms of the world who gallantly cart 2 children to and from practice each day in a car that can accommodate up to 8.
I'd like to believe the weather people and buy in to the information they're providing. Watching the news this morning and their coverage in particular of the ring of fire, how the plates work, etc, is very reminiscent of 7th grade science and it's pretty cool to see how we can now forecast, to the hour, when a big wave is going to hit Hawaii.
(Side bar: If you're in Hawaii and you are a surfer, do NOT take the tsunami sirens as an open invitation to grab your board and hit the beach. I say this in all seriousness while at the same time realizing that that is exactly what some people are going to do ...)
But if my gut is right, and all of this natural disaster nonsense that's been going on recently is a sign that the earth is pissed, then I urge everyone to stop and think about what they're doing before they do it. If you see someone fall down, help them up ... don't just walk by like you can't see.
Think about it.
- The Incident
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Technology's Impact on Humanity
"Has technology really advanced us human beings? Or is it that the technology is advancing past us?"
Does that wrinkle your brain? Well, it did mine! A devoted Twitter pal and follower submitted this question to me when I called upon the Twitterverse to give me a topic on which to blog. Not one to ignore the requests of my fans, I will address this topic in this new blog while I patiently await my Cinnabon (product plug!).
In my humble opinion, I do believe that technology has advanced the human race. I frequently find myself wondering at work when the wireless Internet goes down and we're waiting for IT to fix it, just what in the hell people would do at work before the Internet. How did they cope? Did everyone have a book or some needlepoint at their desk for the slow times? How did you pretend to be productive when you were bored and your boss was watching you? You can have a Word document open at all times on your work computer and give the impression that you're working on something. Back in the day, if that typewriter wasn't going, well then son, you were up the creek without a paddle!
Think about it - when you're at work and you have a lunch break or need to stop thinking about work things, what do you do? I'm willing to bet that you open up your Internet browser and check out a news website (or your favorite blog - this one! - hahaha) to see what's going on in the world, or at least your portion of the world. I'm sure most folks have ordered something from online at work too - either for themselves or for the office. Back in the day, you'd have to get on the phone with the local paper supply company to order those 20 reams of paper. Now you just go to an office supply website and get everything from paper to coffee to pens to, well, whatever you want.
Because of all the technology available to us in the current age, we can tweet from the dinner table, check Facebook from the beach, take video of people doing stupid stuff while we're out and about, etc. But just because this technology has advanced the human race, I'm not necessarily sold on the fact that the technology has been a turn for the better in all instances.
Have you ever seen the TV ad for Macy's when all the celebrities who have lines at Macy's sit down for a "family" dinner? There's an extended version of this where Martha Stewart takes away Mariah Carey's cell phone and says something witty like, "We don't Tweet while we eat." Let's be honest, because of technology, more people get killed while driving because some idiot has to talk or text and drive. Because of technology, even I, a devoted lover of all things news, can find the 24/7/365 news coverage of every little thing just a bit overkill. Honestly, I don't need Breaking News updates a la Twitter regarding how many women Tiger Woods slept with. By the same token, I do appreciate Breaking News updates a la Twitter on things like the situation in Haiti or the war in Afghanistan. Because of technology, I think we have generally all become a little bit more impatient with each other.
That being said, because of technology, we can diagnose and cure certain types of cancers which, as little as 15 years ago, would have meant a death sentence. Because of technology, helmets and special swimsuits can cut down Olympic athletes times in their respective sports by hundredths of seconds - which can be the difference between silver and gold.
To address the second part of the question asked, "Or is it that the technology is advancing past us," I think we're on the borderline here. When I think about how quickly we've gone from the standard cell phone used in the late 90's to the standard cell phone used today, I'm a little bit shocked. You pretty much need something like a BlackBerry, iPhone, or Droid to get by in life now. Unless you are Jack Nicholson. Jack does not have a cell phone. I'm pretty sure he's the only celebrity who can get away with that, too. When you're Jack Nicholson, you don't have to worry about being in touch with the world. The world has to be worried about being in touch with Jack Nicholson.
I guess in the past 2 to 3 years, I've noticed that it's starting to get more and more difficult to keep up with all the latest technology. It used to be easy. You'd have 6 months or so to get used to a new type of technology. Now, everything is changing super fast and once you think you've mastered the art of how to use a new app on your phone, there's a better app, and OH, by the way, your new cell phone that you bought 6 months ago is up for it's own exhibit at the Smithsonian on early technology.
Tough question. Hopefully my thoughts did it justice. If you have a topic you'd like me to blog about, follow me on Twitter (@incidentreport) and tweet it to me, baby!
- The Incident
Does that wrinkle your brain? Well, it did mine! A devoted Twitter pal and follower submitted this question to me when I called upon the Twitterverse to give me a topic on which to blog. Not one to ignore the requests of my fans, I will address this topic in this new blog while I patiently await my Cinnabon (product plug!).
In my humble opinion, I do believe that technology has advanced the human race. I frequently find myself wondering at work when the wireless Internet goes down and we're waiting for IT to fix it, just what in the hell people would do at work before the Internet. How did they cope? Did everyone have a book or some needlepoint at their desk for the slow times? How did you pretend to be productive when you were bored and your boss was watching you? You can have a Word document open at all times on your work computer and give the impression that you're working on something. Back in the day, if that typewriter wasn't going, well then son, you were up the creek without a paddle!
Think about it - when you're at work and you have a lunch break or need to stop thinking about work things, what do you do? I'm willing to bet that you open up your Internet browser and check out a news website (or your favorite blog - this one! - hahaha) to see what's going on in the world, or at least your portion of the world. I'm sure most folks have ordered something from online at work too - either for themselves or for the office. Back in the day, you'd have to get on the phone with the local paper supply company to order those 20 reams of paper. Now you just go to an office supply website and get everything from paper to coffee to pens to, well, whatever you want.
Because of all the technology available to us in the current age, we can tweet from the dinner table, check Facebook from the beach, take video of people doing stupid stuff while we're out and about, etc. But just because this technology has advanced the human race, I'm not necessarily sold on the fact that the technology has been a turn for the better in all instances.
Have you ever seen the TV ad for Macy's when all the celebrities who have lines at Macy's sit down for a "family" dinner? There's an extended version of this where Martha Stewart takes away Mariah Carey's cell phone and says something witty like, "We don't Tweet while we eat." Let's be honest, because of technology, more people get killed while driving because some idiot has to talk or text and drive. Because of technology, even I, a devoted lover of all things news, can find the 24/7/365 news coverage of every little thing just a bit overkill. Honestly, I don't need Breaking News updates a la Twitter regarding how many women Tiger Woods slept with. By the same token, I do appreciate Breaking News updates a la Twitter on things like the situation in Haiti or the war in Afghanistan. Because of technology, I think we have generally all become a little bit more impatient with each other.
That being said, because of technology, we can diagnose and cure certain types of cancers which, as little as 15 years ago, would have meant a death sentence. Because of technology, helmets and special swimsuits can cut down Olympic athletes times in their respective sports by hundredths of seconds - which can be the difference between silver and gold.
To address the second part of the question asked, "Or is it that the technology is advancing past us," I think we're on the borderline here. When I think about how quickly we've gone from the standard cell phone used in the late 90's to the standard cell phone used today, I'm a little bit shocked. You pretty much need something like a BlackBerry, iPhone, or Droid to get by in life now. Unless you are Jack Nicholson. Jack does not have a cell phone. I'm pretty sure he's the only celebrity who can get away with that, too. When you're Jack Nicholson, you don't have to worry about being in touch with the world. The world has to be worried about being in touch with Jack Nicholson.
I guess in the past 2 to 3 years, I've noticed that it's starting to get more and more difficult to keep up with all the latest technology. It used to be easy. You'd have 6 months or so to get used to a new type of technology. Now, everything is changing super fast and once you think you've mastered the art of how to use a new app on your phone, there's a better app, and OH, by the way, your new cell phone that you bought 6 months ago is up for it's own exhibit at the Smithsonian on early technology.
Tough question. Hopefully my thoughts did it justice. If you have a topic you'd like me to blog about, follow me on Twitter (@incidentreport) and tweet it to me, baby!
- The Incident
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy Valentine's Day: Tips to Survive the Day in this Economy
Another year, another Valentine's Day. If you didn't know that today is Valentine's Day then shame on you. Your local retailer (Target, Walmart, CVS, Walgreens, etc.) have had a section devoted to February 14th since at LEAST January 1st. And if you're like me and waited until yesterday to get a card, you likely will have noticed among the bare shelves that not only has the St. Patrick's Day stuff found itself a shelf, but the Easter crap has also started to be put out now. (Side bar: Can't we enjoy one holiday before being reminded that another one is coming up in a few months? Stop cramming holidays down my throat, retailers!!!)
We all know that the economy is an absolute piece of crap right now. Not everyone has the money to get that dozen roses, box-o-chocolates, perfume, large teddy bear, or other cliched Valentine's day gift. What is a guy or gal to do? Well, leave it to The Incident to come up with a few ideas for you that won't break the bank. I offer you the following "strong economy" selections with the "shitty economy" alternative for this Valentine's Day!
Strong Economy: Sentimental Hallmark Card with glitter, pretty fonts, & poems
Shitty Economy: Piece of paper, cut out in a heart shape, with a fitting poem or song lyrics written on it in your own John Hancock. (If you have the extra funds, splurge on a doily and rock that bitch third grade Valentine's style!)
Strong Economy: One dozen red dozes delivered to your sweetheart
Shitty Economy: One red carnation with a little note tied to it
Strong Economy: Box of Godiva chocolate truffles
Shitty Economy: Bag of Valentine's Day themed M&M's
Strong Economy: Giant stuffed teddy bear
Shitty Economy: Medium to small stuffed animal of any kind from your local Dollar Store
Strong Economy: Beyonce's new fragrance
Shitty Economy: There is no alternative here. Do not, I repeat, do NOT buy any smell-a-like perfume. You can't get that smell out and no matter what the box says, they never smell the same. You're likely to ruin the mood and make everyone vomit. Remember "Sex Panther" from Anchorman? Yeah ... same deal.
Strong Economy: Dinner at a nice restaurant and a movie out
Shitty Economy: Chinese delivery and Netflix
So there you have it. Cheap ways to survive this Hallmark Holiday in this shitty economy. Hope everyone survives the day - single or accounted for!
- The Incident
We all know that the economy is an absolute piece of crap right now. Not everyone has the money to get that dozen roses, box-o-chocolates, perfume, large teddy bear, or other cliched Valentine's day gift. What is a guy or gal to do? Well, leave it to The Incident to come up with a few ideas for you that won't break the bank. I offer you the following "strong economy" selections with the "shitty economy" alternative for this Valentine's Day!
Strong Economy: Sentimental Hallmark Card with glitter, pretty fonts, & poems
Shitty Economy: Piece of paper, cut out in a heart shape, with a fitting poem or song lyrics written on it in your own John Hancock. (If you have the extra funds, splurge on a doily and rock that bitch third grade Valentine's style!)
Strong Economy: One dozen red dozes delivered to your sweetheart
Shitty Economy: One red carnation with a little note tied to it
Strong Economy: Box of Godiva chocolate truffles
Shitty Economy: Bag of Valentine's Day themed M&M's
Strong Economy: Giant stuffed teddy bear
Shitty Economy: Medium to small stuffed animal of any kind from your local Dollar Store
Strong Economy: Beyonce's new fragrance
Shitty Economy: There is no alternative here. Do not, I repeat, do NOT buy any smell-a-like perfume. You can't get that smell out and no matter what the box says, they never smell the same. You're likely to ruin the mood and make everyone vomit. Remember "Sex Panther" from Anchorman? Yeah ... same deal.
Strong Economy: Dinner at a nice restaurant and a movie out
Shitty Economy: Chinese delivery and Netflix
So there you have it. Cheap ways to survive this Hallmark Holiday in this shitty economy. Hope everyone survives the day - single or accounted for!
- The Incident
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
An Open Letter of General Irritation
First thing's first - I apologize profusely for being away from my little home on the world wide web for so long. It's just not a nice thing to do to my loyal readers! But I would like to offer you all a bit of an explanation ...
I am currently stationed in a location which has been experiencing a rather ridiculous weather pattern recently. I lost power for about 36 hours and have spent the better part of 5 days being stressed out about stupid weather, how to keep my home safe and in one piece, etc.
I completely understand and appreciate that, for lack of a better phrase, shit happens and said shit includes weather related events. But what I do not understand is the lack of communication from regional government agencies and general service industries to the public at large BEFORE said weather events.
In this day in age, weather forecasting has progressed to the point where, when a major weather event is pending, everyone knows about it. It's what drives people to clear grocery store shelves of bread, milk, toilet paper, and bottled water. If you work for a government agency or for a utility company, you likely have heard the news and are also probably running out to the store to score yourself some of the essentials.
So why in the hell don't you do a little PR work ahead of time?
Would it be too much to ask for the local power company to get a few representatives on the local news ahead of a weather event to say, "Folks may experience power outages. We are preparing to have all our teams ready to go in the event there are widespread power outages. But you can do your part to be prepared, so here is a list of things to have on hand in the event your power goes out and here are things you can do to stay warm if your power goes out."
Most people know to have batteries, a radio, a normal phone (since cordless phones won't work), water, canned goods, and food you can eat without having to cook on hand if your power goes out. But not everyone knows that they should close off rooms, pull curtains, etc., to help keep rooms warm if the power goes out.
And another thing, when you're without power and freezing your ass off for more than 10 hours in this very digital age, no one wants to call a phone number and get an automated message. You want to get a human on the phone. You want to say, "I'm sorry, I know you guys are trying, but can you tell me when you might have my power back on?" A pre-recorded message stating that you should "make alternate plans" when the weather event is in progress does nothing but infuriate people. If I should have made alternate plans, it would have been nice to know that ahead of time, OK assholes? Let me know two days ago that I should have made alternate plans, not one day in to my lack of electricity hell.
In closing, I would like to assure everyone that I am warm for the time being (and safe) but that I could loose power again at any minute. Really what I want is a nice long weekend where I can do nothing but sit on my ass and be warm and not think about anything serious - only trivial crap. That could be awhile. But if you're reading this and you know anyone in local government or who works for a utility company or the like, please let them know that this blogger thinks the appropriate course of action is to give people plenty of fair warning and be helpful in advance. Don't do what the average Joe does and wait until the last minute or until it's too late to be of any help.
- The Incident
I am currently stationed in a location which has been experiencing a rather ridiculous weather pattern recently. I lost power for about 36 hours and have spent the better part of 5 days being stressed out about stupid weather, how to keep my home safe and in one piece, etc.
I completely understand and appreciate that, for lack of a better phrase, shit happens and said shit includes weather related events. But what I do not understand is the lack of communication from regional government agencies and general service industries to the public at large BEFORE said weather events.
In this day in age, weather forecasting has progressed to the point where, when a major weather event is pending, everyone knows about it. It's what drives people to clear grocery store shelves of bread, milk, toilet paper, and bottled water. If you work for a government agency or for a utility company, you likely have heard the news and are also probably running out to the store to score yourself some of the essentials.
So why in the hell don't you do a little PR work ahead of time?
Would it be too much to ask for the local power company to get a few representatives on the local news ahead of a weather event to say, "Folks may experience power outages. We are preparing to have all our teams ready to go in the event there are widespread power outages. But you can do your part to be prepared, so here is a list of things to have on hand in the event your power goes out and here are things you can do to stay warm if your power goes out."
Most people know to have batteries, a radio, a normal phone (since cordless phones won't work), water, canned goods, and food you can eat without having to cook on hand if your power goes out. But not everyone knows that they should close off rooms, pull curtains, etc., to help keep rooms warm if the power goes out.
And another thing, when you're without power and freezing your ass off for more than 10 hours in this very digital age, no one wants to call a phone number and get an automated message. You want to get a human on the phone. You want to say, "I'm sorry, I know you guys are trying, but can you tell me when you might have my power back on?" A pre-recorded message stating that you should "make alternate plans" when the weather event is in progress does nothing but infuriate people. If I should have made alternate plans, it would have been nice to know that ahead of time, OK assholes? Let me know two days ago that I should have made alternate plans, not one day in to my lack of electricity hell.
In closing, I would like to assure everyone that I am warm for the time being (and safe) but that I could loose power again at any minute. Really what I want is a nice long weekend where I can do nothing but sit on my ass and be warm and not think about anything serious - only trivial crap. That could be awhile. But if you're reading this and you know anyone in local government or who works for a utility company or the like, please let them know that this blogger thinks the appropriate course of action is to give people plenty of fair warning and be helpful in advance. Don't do what the average Joe does and wait until the last minute or until it's too late to be of any help.
- The Incident
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Glorious Day! Behold, a New Ketchup Packet!
To some they are "ketchup packets." To others they are "catsup packets." I call them "ketchup packets," and to be perfectly honest, I would rather not have anyone put them in my bag-o-fast food. Why? Because they're irritating. There's not enough ketchup in one ketchup packet to command the respect of more than 2 french fries. Let alone the fact that you have to daintily have to rip the packet open with your teeth because the grease from your fast food makes tearing them open with your hands impossible. And whilst you rip the packets open with your teeth, you are praying that you're not going to tear the damn packet too far and thus end up with ketchup on your favorite pair of jeans.
Ketchup packet haters rejoice!!! Heinz has finally come to their senses and made some revisions to the old, stupid ketchup packets.
The full press release on this brilliant new concept can be read here, however I can cover the basics: you know the little container you use to dip your nuggets in? Well THAT is what you can now look forward to using for your ketchup purposes. WOOOOOO! The new packets even look like little Heinz Ketchup bottles. And, for those freaks out there who actually enjoy ripping the tops off your ketchup packets and pouring the ketchup out in the lid of your burger box or on your chicken sandwich wrapper, well, you can STILL do that with these nifty little packets. And, as if this news couldn't get any better, there's more than a freakin' pin head's amount of ketchup in these bad boys.
My God. If only there were more little things that got me this stoked ... I'd hardly know what to do with myself.
I think we'll have to wait little while for them to be available on the market, but I can't wait for the day when I can go to a drive through and, when the nice person at the window asks if I want ketchup, I can answer with a resounding, "Yes!"
- The Incident
Ketchup packet haters rejoice!!! Heinz has finally come to their senses and made some revisions to the old, stupid ketchup packets.
The full press release on this brilliant new concept can be read here, however I can cover the basics: you know the little container you use to dip your nuggets in? Well THAT is what you can now look forward to using for your ketchup purposes. WOOOOOO! The new packets even look like little Heinz Ketchup bottles. And, for those freaks out there who actually enjoy ripping the tops off your ketchup packets and pouring the ketchup out in the lid of your burger box or on your chicken sandwich wrapper, well, you can STILL do that with these nifty little packets. And, as if this news couldn't get any better, there's more than a freakin' pin head's amount of ketchup in these bad boys.
My God. If only there were more little things that got me this stoked ... I'd hardly know what to do with myself.
I think we'll have to wait little while for them to be available on the market, but I can't wait for the day when I can go to a drive through and, when the nice person at the window asks if I want ketchup, I can answer with a resounding, "Yes!"
- The Incident
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Dear 19 Visitors ...
Dear 19 Visitors to my Humble Little Blog -
I just wanted to take this opportunity to say "Thank You" for coming by my personal little space on the World Wide Web. I've only been at this for about two weeks (I think), but I'm impressed that I've had this many visits. Granted, I think I make up for about 6 of them ... it took me a while to figure out how to block my IP address from the counter at the bottom of my blog.
So I guess I should say, Dear 13 Visitors to my Humble Little Blog. Alas, I digress.
As those of you who have visited can plainly read, my mind is all over the place. From terrorism to the Crisis in Haiti to the Jersey Shore ... I write about whatever comes to mind. I must be candid with you now, dear reader. This evening I find myself very tired, thus I didn't have a chance to do what I usually do in order to get the creative juices flowing through my typing fingers. I usually just check a few news sites and see if anything pops out. If it pops, it gets written about. What's that they say about Pringles (product plug!) - once you pop, you can't stop. Well yeah. That's pretty much what happens with me. I see something and then I settle into my chair to write and, before you know it, I have a rather respectable (in length, anyway) posting.
Since I didn't have the strength to even Google this evening, but still wanted to write about something, I figured a thank you was appropriate. And I can promise you this - as long as that little counter keeps ticking upward, I will keep on blogging.
Thanks for your support. You inspire me to continue with this little dream more than you know.
- The Incident
I just wanted to take this opportunity to say "Thank You" for coming by my personal little space on the World Wide Web. I've only been at this for about two weeks (I think), but I'm impressed that I've had this many visits. Granted, I think I make up for about 6 of them ... it took me a while to figure out how to block my IP address from the counter at the bottom of my blog.
So I guess I should say, Dear 13 Visitors to my Humble Little Blog. Alas, I digress.
As those of you who have visited can plainly read, my mind is all over the place. From terrorism to the Crisis in Haiti to the Jersey Shore ... I write about whatever comes to mind. I must be candid with you now, dear reader. This evening I find myself very tired, thus I didn't have a chance to do what I usually do in order to get the creative juices flowing through my typing fingers. I usually just check a few news sites and see if anything pops out. If it pops, it gets written about. What's that they say about Pringles (product plug!) - once you pop, you can't stop. Well yeah. That's pretty much what happens with me. I see something and then I settle into my chair to write and, before you know it, I have a rather respectable (in length, anyway) posting.
Since I didn't have the strength to even Google this evening, but still wanted to write about something, I figured a thank you was appropriate. And I can promise you this - as long as that little counter keeps ticking upward, I will keep on blogging.
Thanks for your support. You inspire me to continue with this little dream more than you know.
- The Incident
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Would You Like the Bad News First, Or the Bad News First?
I'm pretty certain that, since 9/11, most Americans have thought the country would be hit by another terrorist attack. Frankly, after that horrendous day, I really thought that the country was just gonna' start getting hit left and right - mass transit, malls, more planes, etc. You name it, those miserable SOB's were gonna' try it.
Nearly 9 years later (I cannot believe it has been that long), I'm somewhat surprised that America hasn't been hit again. Hence, the bad news and the bad news.
I just read this article, compliments of CNN.com, which states that another terrorist attack in America in the next three to six months is "certain."
F*ck*ng fantastic.
But here's the other bad news. It looks like America gets to worry not only about planes being blown up mid-air or radicals strapping bombs to themselves and blowing up crowds, but also gets to add cyber terrorism to the list.
I'm going to be perfectly frank with you. Cyber terrorism scares the SH*T out of me. Not that the violent, horrible stuff and all the killing isn't scary - it absolutely is. And I hate it. And I wish there was a way to get get rid of the bad guys for good. But while violent attacks by air, land, or sea generally affect a few areas, the threat of cyber terrorism affects not only the entire United States of America, but all allies, and pretty much the world.
I like that we live in an age where we can blog, Tweet, use Facebook, pay our bills online, etc. But the fact that some hacker with dial-up in a third world country has the potential to launch some sort of computer virus which takes down all communications, all power grids, or really any sort of infrastructure anywhere, is absolutely mind boggling.
Take this under consideration: have you ever driven to work during rush hour when the program that automates traffic signals is down? People are backed up for miles, honking, cutting each other off - it's just chaotic. Could you just imagine if that happened on a large scale? Or worse, if it happened on a large scale in conjunction with a horrible attack when people are trying to evacuate an area or region?
This quote from Dennis Blair, Director of National Intelligence, should make people poop their pants:
"Sensitive information is stolen daily from both government and private sector networks, undermining confidence in our information systems, and in the very information these systems were intended to convey," Blair wrote. "We often find persistent, unauthorized, and at times, unattributable presences on exploited networks, the hallmark of an unknown adversary intending to do far more than merely demonstrate skill or mock a vulnerability."
Man ... I really hope that we have a few good hackers locked up in some prison somewhere that, if the time comes, can help any country that's being cyber attacked get back up and running.
And pardon me while I go clean myself up.
- The Incident
Nearly 9 years later (I cannot believe it has been that long), I'm somewhat surprised that America hasn't been hit again. Hence, the bad news and the bad news.
I just read this article, compliments of CNN.com, which states that another terrorist attack in America in the next three to six months is "certain."
F*ck*ng fantastic.
But here's the other bad news. It looks like America gets to worry not only about planes being blown up mid-air or radicals strapping bombs to themselves and blowing up crowds, but also gets to add cyber terrorism to the list.
I'm going to be perfectly frank with you. Cyber terrorism scares the SH*T out of me. Not that the violent, horrible stuff and all the killing isn't scary - it absolutely is. And I hate it. And I wish there was a way to get get rid of the bad guys for good. But while violent attacks by air, land, or sea generally affect a few areas, the threat of cyber terrorism affects not only the entire United States of America, but all allies, and pretty much the world.
I like that we live in an age where we can blog, Tweet, use Facebook, pay our bills online, etc. But the fact that some hacker with dial-up in a third world country has the potential to launch some sort of computer virus which takes down all communications, all power grids, or really any sort of infrastructure anywhere, is absolutely mind boggling.
Take this under consideration: have you ever driven to work during rush hour when the program that automates traffic signals is down? People are backed up for miles, honking, cutting each other off - it's just chaotic. Could you just imagine if that happened on a large scale? Or worse, if it happened on a large scale in conjunction with a horrible attack when people are trying to evacuate an area or region?
This quote from Dennis Blair, Director of National Intelligence, should make people poop their pants:
"Sensitive information is stolen daily from both government and private sector networks, undermining confidence in our information systems, and in the very information these systems were intended to convey," Blair wrote. "We often find persistent, unauthorized, and at times, unattributable presences on exploited networks, the hallmark of an unknown adversary intending to do far more than merely demonstrate skill or mock a vulnerability."
Man ... I really hope that we have a few good hackers locked up in some prison somewhere that, if the time comes, can help any country that's being cyber attacked get back up and running.
And pardon me while I go clean myself up.
- The Incident
Monday, February 1, 2010
Touche, Milli Vanilli ... Touche
So the Grammy awards were last night. I'll be honest, I didn't watch. While I would have liked to catch the show, I had other things going on. From what I understand, though, it was quite the evening for breaking records! Beyonce winning more awards than any other female artist (6 total), and Taylor Swift being the youngest artist ever to take "Album of the Year."
Side Bar: I've seen some hating on Taylor Swift and I think it should be brought to EVERYONE'S attention that she is a mere twenty years old, writes her own stuff, sings her own stuff, and essentially serves as production manager for her live shows. She comes up with the concepts and designs the sets. She's dedicated to her craft and, whether or not you like her music, there aren't a whole lot of young women in the business with their heads screwed on straight. She doesn't go out drinking and partying and doing stupid sh*t. And when you're in the music industry and can manage to be young and stay grounded, then I think that deserves a Grammy of its own. "And the winner of the 'Kept-My-Sh*t-Together-All-Year-AND-Managed-to-Wear-Underwear-in-All-Paparazzi-Shots' goes to ..." Personally, I could take her music or leave it, but props to Taylor for being a decent role model.
Back to the title of this post. It has been 20 years since Milli Vanilli won their "Best New Artist" Grammy, and then subsequently had to return it as they didn't actually sing anything. Great article here with Fab Morvan (not sure if he's Milli or Vanilli - one of them died of a drug overdose, sadly), about how he's had to deal with the ups and downs since then. And more importantly, the changes in the industry and the music.
In the current music industry, it is very well known that a great deal of artists lip sync on stage. Presumably this is accepted because these artists actually sing in the studio. However, that's not always the case either.
There's this fancy gadget called "Auto Tune," which is an electronic program that runs an artist's voice through some systems to get everything, well, spot on. (We're not talking about that gimicky vocal thing they used to make "Believe" by Cher sound cool, we're talking about a tool that essentially makes your voice NOT your voice.)
What does the use of this "Auto Tune" thing really mean? Example: Paris Hilton put out an album a few years back. If Paris Hilton had a concert and tried to rock it sans Lip Syncing, men, women, children, and purse chihuahuas would run screaming for the hills. Because ... She. Can't. Actually. Sing. The "Auto Tune" and other audio programs took her voice and changed it. So that's not really Paris Hilton's voice on her album (although, she did provide the initial product). Producers took the base product and fixed it.
Also, I would like point out that, in the C&C Music Factory video for "Everybody Dance Now," the actual female vocalist was replaced in the video by a thinner, prettier version because the actual vocalist wasn't really seen as sellable - a little too hefty. And that's kind of what happened to Milli Vanilli. They looked better (at the time) than the real vocalists on those tracks. So some producer pulled them off the street, put them on the cover of an album, and let it ride.
Milli Vanilli could have taken a lot of other people down with them, but they didn't. Certainly they have a good amount of blame to share in the whole scandal, but there were others who they could have shared it with.
I guess my point here is, in a whole lot of cases, we're all getting Milli Vanilli-ed. We're being given a pretty/attractive, quasi-talented person or group of people who if you stopped them on the street and asked them to sing you your favorite song of theirs couldn't make it sound like the album version if their life depended on it.
- The Incident
Side Bar: I've seen some hating on Taylor Swift and I think it should be brought to EVERYONE'S attention that she is a mere twenty years old, writes her own stuff, sings her own stuff, and essentially serves as production manager for her live shows. She comes up with the concepts and designs the sets. She's dedicated to her craft and, whether or not you like her music, there aren't a whole lot of young women in the business with their heads screwed on straight. She doesn't go out drinking and partying and doing stupid sh*t. And when you're in the music industry and can manage to be young and stay grounded, then I think that deserves a Grammy of its own. "And the winner of the 'Kept-My-Sh*t-Together-All-Year-AND-Managed-to-Wear-Underwear-in-All-Paparazzi-Shots' goes to ..." Personally, I could take her music or leave it, but props to Taylor for being a decent role model.
Back to the title of this post. It has been 20 years since Milli Vanilli won their "Best New Artist" Grammy, and then subsequently had to return it as they didn't actually sing anything. Great article here with Fab Morvan (not sure if he's Milli or Vanilli - one of them died of a drug overdose, sadly), about how he's had to deal with the ups and downs since then. And more importantly, the changes in the industry and the music.
In the current music industry, it is very well known that a great deal of artists lip sync on stage. Presumably this is accepted because these artists actually sing in the studio. However, that's not always the case either.
There's this fancy gadget called "Auto Tune," which is an electronic program that runs an artist's voice through some systems to get everything, well, spot on. (We're not talking about that gimicky vocal thing they used to make "Believe" by Cher sound cool, we're talking about a tool that essentially makes your voice NOT your voice.)
What does the use of this "Auto Tune" thing really mean? Example: Paris Hilton put out an album a few years back. If Paris Hilton had a concert and tried to rock it sans Lip Syncing, men, women, children, and purse chihuahuas would run screaming for the hills. Because ... She. Can't. Actually. Sing. The "Auto Tune" and other audio programs took her voice and changed it. So that's not really Paris Hilton's voice on her album (although, she did provide the initial product). Producers took the base product and fixed it.
Also, I would like point out that, in the C&C Music Factory video for "Everybody Dance Now," the actual female vocalist was replaced in the video by a thinner, prettier version because the actual vocalist wasn't really seen as sellable - a little too hefty. And that's kind of what happened to Milli Vanilli. They looked better (at the time) than the real vocalists on those tracks. So some producer pulled them off the street, put them on the cover of an album, and let it ride.
Milli Vanilli could have taken a lot of other people down with them, but they didn't. Certainly they have a good amount of blame to share in the whole scandal, but there were others who they could have shared it with.
I guess my point here is, in a whole lot of cases, we're all getting Milli Vanilli-ed. We're being given a pretty/attractive, quasi-talented person or group of people who if you stopped them on the street and asked them to sing you your favorite song of theirs couldn't make it sound like the album version if their life depended on it.
- The Incident
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thank You, MTV!
I would officially like to take this opportunity to thank MTV for bringing Jersey Shore back for another season. But not just because they're bringing the show back ... they're bringing the same CAST back.
I had some concerns about this initially. I was worried that MTV was going to bring back Jersey Shore but pull a Real World and change up the cast. To my delight, this isn't going to be the next The Real World. This is going to be Jersey Shore: Episode II. (I don't think that's the official title, FYI.) Regardless, yessss!
How long will this show, which frequently has me sitting in front of the TV with my mouth agape, last? While I grew rather fond of the show, I can't really see the longevity here. Allow me to explain ...
The group goes back to the shore for the summer (check). They live in a pretty sweet house with a duck phone that a group of normal kids around their age probably couldn't afford to rent for the summer if they included all the food and booze (check). They work (albeit occasionally) at a shop on the boardwalk in Seaside Heights (check).
Here's where things get interesting. The group primps, poofs, and obeys their daily GTL regimen (check). The first night back in the house together obviously calls for an evening out on the town! They have to hit the battlefield and do some fist pumping! So everyone goes out (check).
Problem One: If they're using the same house as last season, everyone knows where it is. I envision a group of grenades stalking out just to catch a wave from one of the cast members.
Problem Two: These kids fell into instant stardom. Hot chicks and grenades alike are going to be throwing themselves at The Situation, Pauly D, Ronnie, and Vinny. Guys are gonna' try to get with J-Woww, Sammi, & Snookie. They're going to get absolutely MOBBED everywhere they go for autographs, picture requests, etc.
So how on earth will MTV handle the logistics of all this? New house location? Security going out with the group and camera crew every night? Let's be honest, copious amounts of alcohol help make the show what it is - fights, hookups, people saying stupid stuff. More than one meathead will be likely to try and show himself worthy of five minutes of fame by trying to fight one of the cast guys (or girls - depending on said meathead's blood alcohol level).
While I am VERY excited to watch the next season, I am a bit hesitant as I think this season isn't going to have that certain je ne sais quoi that the last one did. Since they're famous now, I'd expect varied levels of changed personalities amongst the cast, which could make things less interesting, or MORE interesting, than last season. Only time will tell what version of interesting the next season will bring.
- The Incident
I had some concerns about this initially. I was worried that MTV was going to bring back Jersey Shore but pull a Real World and change up the cast. To my delight, this isn't going to be the next The Real World. This is going to be Jersey Shore: Episode II. (I don't think that's the official title, FYI.) Regardless, yessss!
How long will this show, which frequently has me sitting in front of the TV with my mouth agape, last? While I grew rather fond of the show, I can't really see the longevity here. Allow me to explain ...
The group goes back to the shore for the summer (check). They live in a pretty sweet house with a duck phone that a group of normal kids around their age probably couldn't afford to rent for the summer if they included all the food and booze (check). They work (albeit occasionally) at a shop on the boardwalk in Seaside Heights (check).
Here's where things get interesting. The group primps, poofs, and obeys their daily GTL regimen (check). The first night back in the house together obviously calls for an evening out on the town! They have to hit the battlefield and do some fist pumping! So everyone goes out (check).
Problem One: If they're using the same house as last season, everyone knows where it is. I envision a group of grenades stalking out just to catch a wave from one of the cast members.
Problem Two: These kids fell into instant stardom. Hot chicks and grenades alike are going to be throwing themselves at The Situation, Pauly D, Ronnie, and Vinny. Guys are gonna' try to get with J-Woww, Sammi, & Snookie. They're going to get absolutely MOBBED everywhere they go for autographs, picture requests, etc.
So how on earth will MTV handle the logistics of all this? New house location? Security going out with the group and camera crew every night? Let's be honest, copious amounts of alcohol help make the show what it is - fights, hookups, people saying stupid stuff. More than one meathead will be likely to try and show himself worthy of five minutes of fame by trying to fight one of the cast guys (or girls - depending on said meathead's blood alcohol level).
While I am VERY excited to watch the next season, I am a bit hesitant as I think this season isn't going to have that certain je ne sais quoi that the last one did. Since they're famous now, I'd expect varied levels of changed personalities amongst the cast, which could make things less interesting, or MORE interesting, than last season. Only time will tell what version of interesting the next season will bring.
- The Incident
Saturday, January 30, 2010
More Cowbell
So you may have noticed by my tweets today that I, for some reason, decided that the world needs more Cowbell. It's the weekend, the Internet is down at home, and I was looking for funny stuff to tweet about. So I went at it and tried to start #cowbell as a trending topic. A Twitter buddy and I are also trying to come up with Cowbell enthusiast slogans (there are a few we came up with that you can see if you follow me on Twitter: @incidentreport).
But I really mean it. I think we could all benefit from a little more Cowbell.
On April 8, 2000, the infamous Cowbell skit with Christopher Walken, Will Ferrell, and other members of the SNL cast aired. In said skit, Will Ferrell played the member of the Blue Oyster Cult Band who played the Cowbell on the song, "Don't Fear the Reaper." Apparently the cast members who were in the skit get asked about it on a regular basis. Christopher Walken was in a restaurant in Singapore and a guy turned to him and said, "You know what this salad needs?" When he asked what it needed, he replied, "More Cowbell." And might I just say, that gentleman was probably correct. His salad probably did need more Cowbell.
I think somewhere, deep down in the cockles of your heart, you too want more Cowbell. If you want to buy one, click here, and "play the hell" out of it. Because more Cowbell makes the world a better place. Sporting events, bar mitzvahs, tracking your cattle on the open range (in this instance of course, you can't play the Cowbell, the cow does the playing for you), waking up co-workers who have fallen asleep at their desks, startling the elderly and hard of hearing. The uses for Cowbells are endless (and entertaining).
Let me be clear. I need - nay - I demand more Cowbell. Invite more Cowbell into your lives today!
- The Incident
But I really mean it. I think we could all benefit from a little more Cowbell.
On April 8, 2000, the infamous Cowbell skit with Christopher Walken, Will Ferrell, and other members of the SNL cast aired. In said skit, Will Ferrell played the member of the Blue Oyster Cult Band who played the Cowbell on the song, "Don't Fear the Reaper." Apparently the cast members who were in the skit get asked about it on a regular basis. Christopher Walken was in a restaurant in Singapore and a guy turned to him and said, "You know what this salad needs?" When he asked what it needed, he replied, "More Cowbell." And might I just say, that gentleman was probably correct. His salad probably did need more Cowbell.
I think somewhere, deep down in the cockles of your heart, you too want more Cowbell. If you want to buy one, click here, and "play the hell" out of it. Because more Cowbell makes the world a better place. Sporting events, bar mitzvahs, tracking your cattle on the open range (in this instance of course, you can't play the Cowbell, the cow does the playing for you), waking up co-workers who have fallen asleep at their desks, startling the elderly and hard of hearing. The uses for Cowbells are endless (and entertaining).
Let me be clear. I need - nay - I demand more Cowbell. Invite more Cowbell into your lives today!
- The Incident
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Things That Make You Go Hmmm ...
There isn't any news that fits my fancy to report on this evening - obvious choices probably would have been my take on State of The Union or Jay Leno's feeble attempt to save face on Oprah. But after a brainstorming session to come up with something I could possibly blog about, I saw an ad on TV about Black History Month.
Black History Month is celebrated during the entire month of February each year. However, Martin Luther King Jr. Day is celebrated in January. That made me go, "Hmm ... I wonder why we don't celebrate Black History Month in the same month that we celebrate MLK Jr. Day?" Perhaps it's just to spread the love and awareness over a longer period of time.
That being said, below is a list of some things which have recently made me go "Hmmm..."
- How do those people who are currently cruising to Haiti find it in themselves to take a little jet ski adventure while, just a few miles inland, hundreds of thousands are dead and millions are newly homeless? Are they clueless, heartless, or a combination of the two?
- What was that peacock (or wild turkey - still TBD) doing wandering on the side of the road the other day when I was on my way in to work? And perhaps more importantly, was he having a good time?
- What, exactly, is Lady Gaga? And why do I keep buying his/her/its songs?
- Why would an iPad be a good investment for most people? I'm pretty sure I would be so worried about dropping the thing that I WOULD drop it and ::poof:: there goes $500.
- Why would Michelle Pfeiffer's agent recommend that she KEEP the silent P? I mean honestly. Save the ignorant tabloid media the trouble and just switch it to Feiffer.
I'm sure there are more things, but that's really about all I can think of at the current moment. Maybe I'll make this a recurring posting on "The Incident Report." There really are a lot of things that make me go "Hmmm" and I think this is the perfect forum to get them out in the open.
- The Incident
Black History Month is celebrated during the entire month of February each year. However, Martin Luther King Jr. Day is celebrated in January. That made me go, "Hmm ... I wonder why we don't celebrate Black History Month in the same month that we celebrate MLK Jr. Day?" Perhaps it's just to spread the love and awareness over a longer period of time.
That being said, below is a list of some things which have recently made me go "Hmmm..."
- How do those people who are currently cruising to Haiti find it in themselves to take a little jet ski adventure while, just a few miles inland, hundreds of thousands are dead and millions are newly homeless? Are they clueless, heartless, or a combination of the two?
- What was that peacock (or wild turkey - still TBD) doing wandering on the side of the road the other day when I was on my way in to work? And perhaps more importantly, was he having a good time?
- What, exactly, is Lady Gaga? And why do I keep buying his/her/its songs?
- Why would an iPad be a good investment for most people? I'm pretty sure I would be so worried about dropping the thing that I WOULD drop it and ::poof:: there goes $500.
- Why would Michelle Pfeiffer's agent recommend that she KEEP the silent P? I mean honestly. Save the ignorant tabloid media the trouble and just switch it to Feiffer.
I'm sure there are more things, but that's really about all I can think of at the current moment. Maybe I'll make this a recurring posting on "The Incident Report." There really are a lot of things that make me go "Hmmm" and I think this is the perfect forum to get them out in the open.
- The Incident
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Will the Real Punxsutawney Phil Please Stand Up?
I like Groundhog Day. I don't buy in to any of it - groundhogs can predict the weather about as well as your average local weatherperson (and the groundhogs don't even have Doppler). But it's a fun little event that a small town in Pennsylvania gets to celebrate once a year. It puts them on the map, brings in revenue, and all that jazz.
However PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) wants the little town of Punxsutawney to replace the real Phil with a robotic groundhog.
I realize that I recently wrote about how stupid that Rent a Tiger idea is - not so nice to the tigers, or the renters that they will inevitably eat. And I also think that PETA does a relatively decent job letting people know about animal cruelty, even though I think they're mostly pretty radical. I'm not at all a fan of beating animals, pouring acid into the eyes of little bunnies to see what kind of reaction it's going to have (not a science major but acid + eyes = pain), and I think Michael Vick was a total d*ck for doing what he did to those dogs. But really, PETA? A robot Punxsutawney Phil? (Here's a link to the full story, with a copy of the letter from PETA to Punxsutawney: http://tinyurl.com/yh6s643)
WOO! What a friggin' party that will be with the new, robotic groundhog! The local groundhog council can get all spruced up in their fancy tuxes and top hats and then tote around Robot Phil who can pop out of his faux tree stump to predict when winter will end.
I envision one of two scenarios with Robot Phil:
1) Robot Phil is equipped with the highest end weather predicting technology money can buy. His amazing accuracy will be what keeps people coming back to Punxsutawney year after year. That is, of course, until he replaces Al Roker on The Today Show.
2) Robot Phil seriously malfunctions on his debut. He slays the town, the council, the tourists. Then he moves south, ravaging the landscape, until he reaches Washington, DC and takes over the Free Nation. Then ... (pause for dramatic effect) ... the World.
I understand that people have a lot of causes that they are very enthused about, and I don't want to stop people from thinking what they think or believing in what they want to believe in. But that groundhog has his own climate controlled environment. He is checked in on by some sort of state agency more than once a year. If PETA wants to draw attention to animal cruelty, they should probably try to pick an animal that really gets tortured. Keep after those dog fighting rings, keep educating people. Let's just let Phil enjoy his day a year in the limelight, shall we?
- The Incident
However PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) wants the little town of Punxsutawney to replace the real Phil with a robotic groundhog.
I realize that I recently wrote about how stupid that Rent a Tiger idea is - not so nice to the tigers, or the renters that they will inevitably eat. And I also think that PETA does a relatively decent job letting people know about animal cruelty, even though I think they're mostly pretty radical. I'm not at all a fan of beating animals, pouring acid into the eyes of little bunnies to see what kind of reaction it's going to have (not a science major but acid + eyes = pain), and I think Michael Vick was a total d*ck for doing what he did to those dogs. But really, PETA? A robot Punxsutawney Phil? (Here's a link to the full story, with a copy of the letter from PETA to Punxsutawney: http://tinyurl.com/yh6s643)
WOO! What a friggin' party that will be with the new, robotic groundhog! The local groundhog council can get all spruced up in their fancy tuxes and top hats and then tote around Robot Phil who can pop out of his faux tree stump to predict when winter will end.
I envision one of two scenarios with Robot Phil:
1) Robot Phil is equipped with the highest end weather predicting technology money can buy. His amazing accuracy will be what keeps people coming back to Punxsutawney year after year. That is, of course, until he replaces Al Roker on The Today Show.
2) Robot Phil seriously malfunctions on his debut. He slays the town, the council, the tourists. Then he moves south, ravaging the landscape, until he reaches Washington, DC and takes over the Free Nation. Then ... (pause for dramatic effect) ... the World.
I understand that people have a lot of causes that they are very enthused about, and I don't want to stop people from thinking what they think or believing in what they want to believe in. But that groundhog has his own climate controlled environment. He is checked in on by some sort of state agency more than once a year. If PETA wants to draw attention to animal cruelty, they should probably try to pick an animal that really gets tortured. Keep after those dog fighting rings, keep educating people. Let's just let Phil enjoy his day a year in the limelight, shall we?
- The Incident
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Gary Coleman Can't Get a Break
Gary Coleman, whose primary claim to fame is coining the phrase, "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" has found himself in trouble with the law ... again. And actually, correction. He didn't coin that phrase. Rather, he delivered it well on a delightful late 70's sitcom called "Diff'rent Strokes."
So what has Gary done now? Well, apparently the full incident details are still a bit sketchy at this point BUT he was just arrested for domestic assault. Here's the link to the full story: http://tinyurl.com/yl69nbq, but to break it down for you (break-it-down-now!) I can report that he had a seizure in LA recently, has had two failed kidney transplants, and has been arrested for both disorderly conduct and for hitting a guy with his truck on top of this recent arrest.
Oh, and did I mention that he has a recently released DVD entitled "Midgets vs. Mascots." There's more! His bail was set at a mere $1,725 which begs the question, was the judge taking mercy on our Gary because that's all he can afford to post as of late?
And if it couldn't get worse for poor Gary Coleman, here's a link to his mugshot: http://tinyurl.com/yhl4wvn. Sadly, it looks like he's asking, "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
- The Incident
So what has Gary done now? Well, apparently the full incident details are still a bit sketchy at this point BUT he was just arrested for domestic assault. Here's the link to the full story: http://tinyurl.com/yl69nbq, but to break it down for you (break-it-down-now!) I can report that he had a seizure in LA recently, has had two failed kidney transplants, and has been arrested for both disorderly conduct and for hitting a guy with his truck on top of this recent arrest.
Oh, and did I mention that he has a recently released DVD entitled "Midgets vs. Mascots." There's more! His bail was set at a mere $1,725 which begs the question, was the judge taking mercy on our Gary because that's all he can afford to post as of late?
And if it couldn't get worse for poor Gary Coleman, here's a link to his mugshot: http://tinyurl.com/yhl4wvn. Sadly, it looks like he's asking, "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
- The Incident
Monday, January 25, 2010
Is That A Tiger In Your Pocket or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
So I read something that really irked me as I am a fan of animals - they can't talk, they can't always stand up for themselves ... someone has to give them a break. So, whilst I perused the Internet, I came across a story about a plan Indonesia has to rent out tigers.
I will repeat that.
Rent. Out. Tigers.
Here's the link to the story: http://tinyurl.com/yzko3r4. But seriously people? Renting out TIGERS? I suppose the intentions behind this tremendously sick and twisted idea are only the best. Renting a Sumatran Tiger (only about 400 left in Indonesia) would have a pretty high price tag - $107,100 US. This money would help to assist with conservation efforts. But what I think it really boils down to is this question: didn't everyone learn a lesson when that lady gave her pet Chimp a Xanax to calm him down and he proceeded to rip her best friend's face off (a very special thank you to Oprah, by the way, for taking that lady's hat/mask thing off and proving that she didn't have a face anymore. Really appreciated that one. As if my overactive imagination wasn't enough to fill that image void in the old brain.) What kind of screening will go in to this plan, if it's actually enacted? Just because you can pony up the dough does NOT mean that you are capable of keeping a live and wild animal in your home. What if junior decides that kitty needs a bath? What if Fido gets a little too close to the cage?
I really hope that the people who are attending this summit to save these animals from extinction have a few more tricks up their sleeves because "Rent A Tiger" just does not seem like a viable option.
- The Incident
I will repeat that.
Rent. Out. Tigers.
Here's the link to the story: http://tinyurl.com/yzko3r4. But seriously people? Renting out TIGERS? I suppose the intentions behind this tremendously sick and twisted idea are only the best. Renting a Sumatran Tiger (only about 400 left in Indonesia) would have a pretty high price tag - $107,100 US. This money would help to assist with conservation efforts. But what I think it really boils down to is this question: didn't everyone learn a lesson when that lady gave her pet Chimp a Xanax to calm him down and he proceeded to rip her best friend's face off (a very special thank you to Oprah, by the way, for taking that lady's hat/mask thing off and proving that she didn't have a face anymore. Really appreciated that one. As if my overactive imagination wasn't enough to fill that image void in the old brain.) What kind of screening will go in to this plan, if it's actually enacted? Just because you can pony up the dough does NOT mean that you are capable of keeping a live and wild animal in your home. What if junior decides that kitty needs a bath? What if Fido gets a little too close to the cage?
I really hope that the people who are attending this summit to save these animals from extinction have a few more tricks up their sleeves because "Rent A Tiger" just does not seem like a viable option.
- The Incident
Sunday, January 24, 2010
There's An App for that, Kinda'. And One More Thing, It Requires Training ...
One of the things that falls under the heading of "Things that piss me off a lot" is terrorism - in any form. Freaking people out and blowing things up all in the name of a religion or a belief is wrong. I would ask those who don't agree with me to consult the God or higher authority in which they believe ... pretty sure you'll find that terrorism is a big no-no on the list of things you're not supposed to do.
Now, when I read this story on BBC.com (http://tinyurl.com/yggzjrx), I got a little upset. The device in question (AED-651), is a tool that is allegedly supposed to be able to detect TNT in IEDs, bombs, and other such devices (so not REALLY an app, but you smell what I'm stepping in with the reference in the title of this post). This instrument has the support of Iraqi Interior Minister Jawad al-Bolani who claims the AED-651 has detected 16,000 bombs. There are a few problems, however. One of which is that the device only REALLY works if the person using it to find bombs has been properly trained. Apparently a lot of people using this thing haven't had such training. The other issue is that, in inquiries and tests by both the BBC and Cambridge University's Computer Laboratory, the device contained "nothing but the type of anti-theft tag used to prevent stealing in high street stores." Dr. Markus Kuhn of Cambridge University informed the BBC that it was "impossible" for the AED-651 to "detect anything at all." He also went on to comment that it had "absolutely nothing to do with the detection of TNT."
This begs many questions, the predominant one being, WTF?
The schmuck selling this thing under the guise that it's going to detect bombs when a dude at Cambridge U says it might be able to tell you if someone shoplifts a high end item from the local Target store is just plain wrong. You shouldn't be able to mess around with people's sense of safety like that - I'd go out on a limb and say his actions have some terrorist features themselves.
But even IF the thing worked, I think this story points out the bigger underlying issue with the war on terrorism. We can have all the freakin' technology in the world, but if we don't have the right people TRAINED on how to use said technology, then we're no better off than we were before. We need to train people on the technology and also what to look for. Case in point: I heard the other week on NPR that a flight attendant on Richard "Shoe Bomber" Reid's flight actually stopped him before he boarded the plain because she got a little uneasy when seeing him. But when he responded to her questions in a perfect English accent, she let him board the plane. Maybe if we invested a little bit of money in training people on what to look for and how to use all of this wonderful technology we have available to us, we might just be a little better off.
- The Incident
Now, when I read this story on BBC.com (http://tinyurl.com/yggzjrx), I got a little upset. The device in question (AED-651), is a tool that is allegedly supposed to be able to detect TNT in IEDs, bombs, and other such devices (so not REALLY an app, but you smell what I'm stepping in with the reference in the title of this post). This instrument has the support of Iraqi Interior Minister Jawad al-Bolani who claims the AED-651 has detected 16,000 bombs. There are a few problems, however. One of which is that the device only REALLY works if the person using it to find bombs has been properly trained. Apparently a lot of people using this thing haven't had such training. The other issue is that, in inquiries and tests by both the BBC and Cambridge University's Computer Laboratory, the device contained "nothing but the type of anti-theft tag used to prevent stealing in high street stores." Dr. Markus Kuhn of Cambridge University informed the BBC that it was "impossible" for the AED-651 to "detect anything at all." He also went on to comment that it had "absolutely nothing to do with the detection of TNT."
This begs many questions, the predominant one being, WTF?
The schmuck selling this thing under the guise that it's going to detect bombs when a dude at Cambridge U says it might be able to tell you if someone shoplifts a high end item from the local Target store is just plain wrong. You shouldn't be able to mess around with people's sense of safety like that - I'd go out on a limb and say his actions have some terrorist features themselves.
But even IF the thing worked, I think this story points out the bigger underlying issue with the war on terrorism. We can have all the freakin' technology in the world, but if we don't have the right people TRAINED on how to use said technology, then we're no better off than we were before. We need to train people on the technology and also what to look for. Case in point: I heard the other week on NPR that a flight attendant on Richard "Shoe Bomber" Reid's flight actually stopped him before he boarded the plain because she got a little uneasy when seeing him. But when he responded to her questions in a perfect English accent, she let him board the plane. Maybe if we invested a little bit of money in training people on what to look for and how to use all of this wonderful technology we have available to us, we might just be a little better off.
- The Incident
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